Life is full of bullshit... just shaddup

new blog

2005-12-19T22:32:00.000+08:00

2005-12-10T20:54:00.000+08:00

MISSIONS... SO EXCITING!!!

i think i'll change my blog name soon.

2005-12-02T22:19:00.000+08:00

i just love dishwalla songs. especially the slow songs. below is candleburn. such songs just stir feelings in my heart. mostly depression and sadness. it makes you reflect on what you've done. it makes you think back on the past. and just lets you know that you're just that tiny speck in the work of greater things.

i guess i'm backsliding again. tryin to forget things by my own ability. i've lost that focus yet again. but the beauty is that i know i'm backsliding. which means God hasn't forgotten me (duh). but its the feeling that just comforts you when things start to hurt you and life doesn't go as planned.

the week's been. ok. goin out almost everyday and money flows out like water. man. im almost broke. but not as broke as some pple who seem to be broke like hell. i feel fortunate.

2005-12-02T22:16:00.000+08:00

on Vineland past the candle shrine that burns on every night
for someone
she lets herself go
like an angel in the snow
she lays down on her back
down on her back - she goes

take me over when I'm gone
take me over make me strong
take me over when I'm gone
will they burn for me

on Vineland past the candle shrine that melts into the street design
she waits - for someone
tonight she'll give herself away
she'll break apart all by herself
its so easy how we come undone

take me over when I'm gone
take me over make me strong
take me over when I'm gone
will they burn for me

she pulls me in - strips me down
she pulls me in - turns me out
she pulls me in - strips me down

take me over when I'm gone
take me over make me strong
take me over when I'm gone
will they burn for me
will they burn for me

2005-11-28T23:56:00.000+08:00

blessed be your name.
blessed be your glorious name.
you give and MAKE A WAY

what a nice song it is now.

alright. this post is dedicated on obligation to my dear sis charmon poh-tay-toh. she's psychic. she's cool. and she's my pokemon. haha. ok. that did sound weird. but char's one of the few people i am totally comfortable with saying any random stuff or chatting about anything under the sun. or moon. she's one of the few i totally trust and look forward to the next time i can hang out with her again. one of the few that i have no qualms dependin on. and one of the few i would give my best to help.

she's dedicated. and absolutely a joy to talk to. there's no need to have a pretense with her. you can just be natural with her and you'll know things will always work out fine. haha. that's abit cliche but yea. its a nice feeling to sit and talk with her.

AND char knows how to step on your toes. she's -.- queen i tell you. out of nowhere she'll make this out of point comment and you'll just give her a -.- signifying her victory in laming you. and yet. she's someone to help you back on the right track when you feel you're lost and unfocused.

thank you char for everything.

okok. that's the longest dedication i've ever written for anyone. so now. i expect the same length for my dedication ok. hear that char???? i want one too.

i still have the angels or devils mood.

2005-11-22T19:33:00.000+08:00

i guess the song below is really old. but for tonight it speaks my mind. or at least some of it.

the answer's clear to see now. circumstances have shown. i asked for a sign from God. i almost didn't see it. but i guess God does show it to you if you look out carefully. all i pray for is God to strengthen me. to keep my focus straight on Him.

i forgot when where and who taught this. but i remember that. its trials that make us. its trials that we go through that defines us. its trials that God puts us in to let us learn. to mould us to his desired shape for us. that we might work on our imperfect self and use it to glorify God.

maybe. just maybe. when i'm 17. but for now. its God.

and i want to thank a special few who i can always confide into. you know who you are. so there's no need to personally thank you. for your glory is in heaven.

i'm so gonna get owned tmr in camp.

2005-11-22T19:30:00.000+08:00

Angels or Devils by Dishwalla
this is the last time
that I'm ever gonna come here tonight
this is the last time - I will fall
into a place that fails us all - inside

I can see the pain in you
I can see the love in you
but fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time

the angels they burn inside for us
are we ever
are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down
come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

this is the last time
that I'm ever gonna give in tonight
are there angels or devils crawling here?
I just want to know what blurs and what is clear - to see

still I can see the pain in you
and I can see the love in you
and fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time

the angels they burn inside for us
are we ever
are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down - come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could break us
if I was to give in - give it up
- and then
take a breath - make it deep
cause it might be the last one you get
be the last one
that could make us cold
you know that they could make us cold
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

2005-11-22T19:25:00.000+08:00

Angels of Devils by Dishwalla
This is the last time
that I'm ever gonna come here tonight
this is the last time - I will fall 
into a place that fails us all - inside

I can see the pain in you
and I can see the love in you
but fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time

the angels they burn inside for us 
are we ever
are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down
come around                                  
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

this is the last time
that I'm ever gonna give in tonight
are there angels or devils crawling here?
I just want to know what blurs and what is clear - to see

if I were to give in - give it up
- and then
take a breath - make it deep
cause it might be the last one you get
be the last one
it could make us cold
you know that they could make us cold

I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

2005-11-21T00:14:00.000+08:00

somehow. you just like to stone when redundant chatter comes about. you stone when pple start talkin behind others back. you stone when senseless pple talk senseless things and influence sensible pple into senseless behaviour. what's wrong with the senseless pple? and the senseless attitude they have? and why aren't the sensible pple doing anything about it? senseless activities.

i actually do feel tired. this weekend has been the 2nd most packed weekend this year. the most packed going to class party week. i guess so many things are happening in one go. not to mention the hassle of schedule next week. and the need to plan for sunday's kid worship really puts my heart in the wrong place.

on to happy stuff. happy bdae mich.

my little mei called char is the maddest, most happily annoying =D and yet someone you can just go random with anywhere and anytime you're bored. its nice to have a random friend with you all the time.

and i've decided to go forward with my thoughts. but yet im not sure. only God will lead the way this time. i'm just keen to focus on Him. to feel that peace in my heart. and feel the nudging to follow God again. this time i'm aiming for callin and tongues. and all i can do now is bask in his love and sing praises to Him all day.

shout onto God with a voice of triumph
shout onto God with a voice of praise
shout onto God with a voice of triumph
we lift your name up
we lift your name up!

chakde frens. and fooseball to all.

2005-11-13T22:02:00.000+08:00

just a week of late nights and im all tired out. i suppose im not a night bird. but i've been doin it most of this year and i'm still like that. weird.

i do realize. i've listened to tons of pple's problems. guy problems. girl problems. i've always been around to be there for pple. who's around for me?

and. its just so hard to overcome particular problems. when it concerns your heart and your focus on God. its occupying my mind all the time. i can't shake it off and i'm gettin eaten inside out.

nothing else to say. cept that for a really free person i have this really sense of heaviness, that i'm being compressed by thoughts and feeling really alone as i lose that sight with God.

take me over when i'm gone.
will they burn for me?

2005-11-03T21:09:00.000+08:00

i've come to notice somethin about a particular religion. its all about condemnation. and all that ever happens is that the devil always wins, the Lord's name is like useless in that religion. you can say it a hundred times and the freakin demon just laughs at you. and worse, you need someone else to come and tell you that you're being possessed because the "lord" wants the world to know about the spiritual realm.

hello. God could just drop down and say hi. and why would he want you to suffer so much like that just to prove a point. if He wants you to know he is there, he won't ask a demon to possess you. and worse 6 demons with old lucifer participating in this possession.

furthermore, the earlier movie i watched, the thing that stuck to me most was that people of that religion go to church just to seek penance, no relationship with God, no communion with God. just confess, pay some cash and you're ready to go out and sin again.

its small wonder why people think Christians are hypocritical. that we don't practice what we preach. yea. i left not feelin scared, haha. but disgusted at the world.

yes. i'm still harpin on that. and i now know. watchin 2 movies in a night and workin at a really expensive place in the same day really eats your cash. but den again. i got treated for one movie and dinner. thx sis.

hence, i spend a public holiday at home. no money to go out. everyone's got somethin on, no money. or is grounded. and i need to find books. and more games. before i die of boredom.

and the more i think of it. playing a cd player and hopping around in my room doesn't seem such a bad idea anymore. but that wouldn't make me normal.

2005-10-31T23:41:00.000+08:00

Til I See You
The greatest love that anyone could ever know
it overcame the cross and grave to find my soul
and till i see you face to face and grace amazing takes me home
i'll trust in you

With all I am I'll live to see Your kingdom come
And in my heart I pray You'd let Your will be done
And till I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home
I'll trust in You

I will live to love You
I will live to bring You praise
I will live a child in awe of You

You are a voice that called the universe to be
You are the whisper in my heart that speaks to me
And till I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home
I'll trust in you

You alone are God of all
You alone are worthy Lord
And with all I am my soul will bless Your name (repeat)

The greatest love that anyone could ever know
it overcame the cross and grave to find my soul
and till i see you face to face and grace amazing takes me home
i'll trust in you

I will live to love You
I will live to bring You praise
I will live a child in awe of You (repeat)

You alone are God of all
You alone are worthy Lord
And with all I am my soul will bless Your name (repeat)

this song speaks my heart.

2005-10-30T22:20:00.000+08:00

oh yay. its the O. the serious waste of time O. the annoying O. piece of crap O that's useless. that's uneeded. and i still have to take it.

well. im genuinely surprised today. serious. caught me off guard. i mean. wasn't the cake meant for amanda. and halfway singing the birthday song. everyone suddenly shouts my name. and i like the pink ribbon. thx pple. and thx char.

i guess i'm just scared. knowing that anytime, even tmr. some disaster would come and whisk my life off to heaven. i should be happy aren't i? this world is a goner. its a sad and depressing place to live in. but yet. when i heard it. something came to my mind. and its poking holes in my head. i'm trying to let the feeling go. but i can't.

but there's always the joy. that we'll see God's face soon. that we'll be up there, happy all day. praising the lord, enjoying eternal life. but what about the others? what about that village in chiangmai? the one we're supposed to build a gateway for the pastor to minister? what will happen to them? what will happen to my close friends, who will never be close to God. who will die in that disaster, and wake up to find their doomed to hell? to walk along orchard road, see a million faces, and knowing that in that million, probably less than half of them believe in God. and that in that one fall, all that million will disappear. its worryin to know that only less than half will enter the gates of heaven.

its not comforting thought. the one question that came to mind.
why didn't we have more time?
but then again, didn't we have all the time we needed to reach out to our friends, our relatives, our colleagues, strangers on the road. yet we stood by thinkin everythin would be fine. well anytime, that childish thought would disappear, leaving destruction and pain in its wake.

i just wish i could just tell someone something. i just wish i could share the gospel, that i could save someone before he/she died. i just wish i could just. tell my feelings.

best deceptions

2005-10-26T23:18:00.000+08:00

gosh i so love that song. who ever doesn't have that is a sua koo.

love talkin to my sis. today i got released early to meet a late sis. -.-

but yea. chatted from like. 6.30 to 10.30. we leave knowin each other lots better. and knowin we can always depend on each other for help. sibling power its called.

from it we know that God works wonders for us all. that no matter what hurts we go through. we find that its actually God's plan to make us a better person. and i thank God for such a sister. for with whom both of us are transparent. able to pour out our emotions and feelings and to forget the past. that we know that we're forever bonded through siblingship and God. thank you sis. lub ja.

sweet 16.

2005-10-25T23:04:00.000+08:00

sweet 16. or rather oreo 16. that's how my day started actually.

but no lets date back to 12:00 am oct 25. haha. feelin dumb. i stay up for my bdae. and who i got with me? my sisters! my mei and my jie. haha. bestest best sisters ever.

thx to pearly for that song! haha. im gonna play it to everyone now!

thx to elissa! my best jie ever. lub ja lot too.

and thx to all my church friends and schoolmates. you pple are funny. like morning only a few. and in the afternoon and night just keep comin in. thx to my gang. you pple rock. thx to church gang. haha.

but the funny thing is. the people i know the longest. got my bdae wrong. haha. ryan thought mine was yesterday. and jess thought mine is tmr. hahaha. you people are jokes. but i like.

and thx to you. for the present. i hope you will think of me still. for i will think of you always.

alright. now that the yay part's over. its time to reflect. i loved this year. for one. its my year of salvation. its my year i got to know who my true friends are. its the year i got to know you. and its the year i got to know my sisss too. and its the year people get to go watch nc-16 movies without the thrill of not gettin caught. damn.

so its on to the bigger game. lets go watch m-18 movies.

work's a bomb. its great and i love it. i just hope i get better with the procedures.
report sucks. i'm in the top 25% in my cohort. and one of the lowest in my class. which kinda means my class is the top 25%. so i'm smartly stupid. that's a nice thought.

so. in 40 minutes. it will be over. but well. there's 365 days to the next one. here we go again.

sunday

2005-10-22T23:35:00.000+08:00

best deceptions by Dashboard confessionals.
i like that song.

lookin all around me. people are graduating. people cry when they sing their school anthem for the last time. people are already missing their school. reflecting their 4 years stay in their school. thinking about their friends and their future.

its hard to imagine what your future is like. its also hard not to.

i just wonder when God will take us up to heaven. i can't wait.

work, work, work.

2005-10-20T22:17:00.000+08:00

the first week is about to be over. and i'm enjoying it. this week has opened my eyes to the world of molecular biology, truly enjoyable. and i shall now weigh the pros and cons of being a bio researcher.

pros. you get a good pay. you get to work in healthy environments. you get to work with high tech stuff. you get to wear white. you get to walk around looking nice with access cards at your necks. you get shuttle bus services which will bring you to the mrt station just 100m away. for your info. i walk faster then that bus lar. AND you get to live your lifelong dream playin with bacteria and DNA. but the true PRO is when you get to do somethin for mankind, that you can work hard and fulfill your dream and love for bio. somethin i dream to do.

cons. they don't have very many good lookin female researchers.

enough said.

i shall have to go look for another line of work.

omers.

2005-10-19T22:33:00.000+08:00

there once was a shah
who was known near and far.
he had a love for chess.
which was hard to put to rest.
there was nothing about his life that was strange
but all this is about to change.

i once loved OM. back in sec 2, when we were just outrageously creative. crazy and random enough to come up with such nonsense up there. i mean, there was nothin to stop us back then. in sec 2, we were just madd. so madd we were recognized as omers wherever we went. back then, the true OM spirit prevailed, and as we all know, spirit is not somethin that is strong in my school, yet this passion thrives in us til today.

but that spirit is gone. what's left of it is an indian setting, repeated jokes, trademark lines. in 2004. we witnessed the fall of OM. and it broke my heart to see it reduced to this state. that all we want to do is win. not to have fun. not to be creative. not to share your newfound confidence with others. not to meet people who love OM too. no. to win and just show everyone in the world how despicable Singaporeans are. how cheap they are.

yes we are talented. but what is the point in being talented when you can't enjoy it fully? winning 3rd just didn't make me happy at all. we deserved to win that trophy. and enjoy ourselves at the same time. but no. we had to face politics, team rivalry, teacher favouritism.

and now. the indians have come to stay (to any who feel offended, i did not mean it to be offensive to indians, im talkin about the indian settin all the teams seem to keep wanting to use). there's no creativity. the teacher comes up with the script. the teacher does the props. and outside student does the props. what does the team do? act and bitch about each other. bunch of girls.

if any consolation, the team that did win champion probably deserved it for they indeed breathed some life into the spirit again. but what good does it do? noone appreciates them.

i remember, we were a team, even though we had our differences. we were together, even though we quarrelled, we stood for each other, even when we weren't happy with each other. but in the end. we're still that same group of friends, forever bonded through friendship.

two years has passed, some have grown up, some want to continue, some want to stop, some start to think of other things, girls, studies, band. im caught in between, can my love for OM overcome all these problems? or is it truly too far gone?? all i see right now is false hope of reliving the past. based on empty promises.

the question still stands. it will stand til the end. we will watch it stand. we will walk away, hoping never to see it again. and yet, always looking back. rich with memories of that fun. that joy.

and to know that even in the fall, we stood tall, and strong, not bowing down. earning that trophy coachless, winning with our own ability, and also. winning with the true spirit, with the right sight. the right aim. and i take joy in knowing, we were the only one who took part in that vision.

goodbye.

2005-10-17T21:14:00.000+08:00

i've just been. crying. tears just fill my eyes, threatening to break that dam of conjunctiva and flow out.

usually, when people go through this. i'd talk to them alot, to try and convince them that God's there for them. but when its my turn i see why. its because we're cut off from God that we're at this state. this state of pathetic crying.

why can't all the world just be happy? be with the person they love? love God?

nothin seems so great now.

sadness

2005-10-16T00:13:00.000+08:00

its sad to know. there are friends you can't trust. but its good to know. that there are those you can depend on.

its sad to know that i gotta wait two years. but its good to know that i will wait that two years.

the only thing bothering me is the fact that my life is like a cycle. what happened two years ago. has happened again. but wasn't as bad. when i've finally woken up from my dumb depression. and found someone i truly love. it has to repeat. like depression is just waiting at a corner. waitin to grab you. and when you managed to lose its grip on you. its got you from behind. when you least expect it.

i've caught myself thinking the same thoughts that would lead me down the same road again. and i've been having dreams. dreams that knock you off balance. that screws up your thinking.

today. i didn't really feel like goin for XS. but i had a duty to help daryl. and so i went. in a way. it distracted me. but all i had was a mask put on. a mask to hide the pain. to hide the tears. to hide the side of me which wanted to just do damage.

but this time. it'll be different. i don't want to fall in to that sinking hole. that bloody hole that ruined my reputation in school, that bloody hole that almost caused me to lose my friends, that bloody hole that almost lost my faith. that bloody hole that caused me to be the ass i was in 2004. no. no more.

but. all this conflicting emotions, the strength to resolve, yet the despondent emptiness in my heart. just rage against each other, not caring what damage it does to my heart. i need a vent.

i love you. 2 years is a long time. but i'll wait. by then we'll be old enough to handle ourselves, to be able to go out without lookin out for pple we know, to know that its for real.

2 years. and climbing out of that hole.

happiness

2005-10-09T20:03:00.000+08:00

hmm. during pple's bdae. i'd usually write some stuff about them. so since 3 days ago was dear sis's bdae! here i go!

elissa! you've been the best jie any lil bro will ever need. you're always there for me. someone i can always talk to. someone i can be both. stone and rubbish with. studyin with you was actually pretty fun. coz we can like talk nonsense while doing sensible stuff at the same time. i feel blessed to have someone lookin after me when im out coz well. you're always reminding me to do the right things. God bless ya elissa. for you're my jie for eternity. happy seventeenth! love ya jie.

speakin about birthdays. the whole next week is packed with them! a quick shout out to them. linette's bdae is tomorrow. audrey sis is tuesday. and trixia's on wed. not to mention more church people over the next few weeks and one PARTICULAR GUY. haha.

i seriously can't wait for exams to end. its like one paper for maths each day from tuesday to thurs. so im kinda just jittery for it to end. coz i only get 4 days to go out! after that its work and study for Os.wait. i meant O.

chakde frens.

chakde

2005-10-05T20:02:00.000+08:00

the bad thing about our exam timetable. we get all the have-to-mug-for-it subjects one after another or even on the same day. so basically instead of resting at home after a day at papers, and just flipping through your stuff. you realize that you have alot of of stuff to flip through. so it takes up your day and you end up feeling worse than when you came home.

the upside, by friday, i'm as good as a free man. with our new ib format for chinese, im all set to get my 6 grade. by the way. 6 grade means as good as A2-A1 to o levels. next week is all maths and only one paper a day. so the weekend i should be free. hopefully my parents will allow me to go both cell and church.

ihs was a let down. time management was so bad, im just disappointed in myself. lang arts was pretty good. i hope. physics and maths todae were actually ok. just stupid careless mistakes. tmr's bio and lang arts 2. i just hope i'll be able to cover everythin in my answers.

to all, be the happiness in studies. God's with ya all the way.

title and registration

2005-10-02T00:26:00.000+08:00

i've decided. i'm gonna move to the east. since almost EVERYONE lives in the east. and i'm like so far west. its so troublesome to go home. but. i'm just being hopeful. it'll probably be another ten years before i move again.

title and registration by death cab for cutie. its a good song. marching bands of manhattan too.

and amanda's house is definitely. the grandest house i've been to. next up would be ralphael's. and i can't seeem to remember that owner of that particular nice house i've been to. that would be 3rd. cheryl's house is great too. and the list grows long.

chakde frens.

indian gurus.

2005-09-29T00:10:00.000+08:00

wad man be say that is happiness is much importance.

i always wondered. why are there wishlists on pple's blog. is it to hint to others to get such stuff for them on their bdaes? or its just an indication of materialism and how much people desire worldly things.

todae was mishap day. gettin chilli squirted on both sides of ur shirt by two different people with the same chilli bottle and the same problem when tryin to get the chilli out and end up firing chilli missiles at me. first lew my good friend squirts it on my right side. and with all stupidity i stand there armed with a tissue tryin to quickly clear offf the chilli. the guy after me makes the same mistake with the chilli bottle and squirts my left side. so angry. i shouted at that guy. and in the end classmates had to avoid me a whole period. stupidity stupidity.

other den that, its like 6 days to exams. i'm gettin worried. no idea why. i've been studyin. but i'm worried all the same. i have to improve certain aspects of the way i write. and just study hard. dats all. i hope.

chakde

2005-09-23T22:52:00.000+08:00

before i start, whatever i say on my blog is not, will not and cannot be racist. i love indians. they're just so fascinating and cool to hang around with. and to prove it, i'm becoming indianized.

first, my chinese prelim was bad. really bad. fail bad. i'm so lousy at chinese man. that's the same with most indians, but den again they take tamil.

2nd, i've been goin arnd sayin chakde all day with jamal. haha. at times we shake hands and one of us goes "chk-chk", camera moment. random stuff and all.

3rd, bhangra music is startin to sound pretty cool.

does that sound racist to you?

many things be the happens this weeks. the usual dosage of tuitions, and we have our HOT XS tmr. its a steamboat. and sadly couldn't get anyone. or at least i hope my gang can go... but yea. just sad i couldn't do my part in bringing frens. i've been thinkin to talk to certain pple who i know need God in their lives, but i can't find the courage, coz mayb for one their not actually cool. in fact they aren't. its my pride i gotta get over.

and. its true about the thing about the devil being chased out of a dirty house. the house is cleaned up. but after some time, the devil brings back 7 evil spirits, not sure the exact number but you get the idea, and makes an even bigger mass. i'm that house and i've fallen into that thing called vulgarity. i just got so pissed one day in school i just shouted it, and i can't stop it again now. its so discouraging when you try your best to stop thinkin about it, let alone utter it for like 2-3 weeks? and all that effort goes down the drain.

countdowns. as of 2 hrs time, 10 days more to finals. erm, 3 months more to randoming. 5 min more to muggin bio. haha.

a hot day.

2005-09-18T19:36:00.000+08:00

i shall be childish for once. NOONE TAGGS. gosh its like dead cept for my faithful gay follower jer. haha.

ok. enough of that nonsense.

aunt lynette's message was good. true worshippers worship in spirit and in truth. it is the spirit in them which awakens and is born again, a new creation when they acknowledge God in their life. and it is this spirit that communicates with our Heavenly Father whenever we worship. this is "pneuma" greek for spirit and our heart.

however, we should worship in spirit in soul and body too.

our soul is where our mind is, where feelings are involved. our body is where this feelings are expressed. like kneeling, raising our hands. and its also one of the representations you feel when God's spirit fills you. like warmth, trembling and so on.

however, to be able to attain that spirit communication, our soul or mind must be clear of thoughts, thats why its always easier to feel God during praise sessions, when our mind is just on God. the real test is worshippin in spirit all day.

our soul, or mind. is important as it is worshipping in truth. without worshippin in truth, where we believe in truths of God, promises and facts about God that endures forever , eg "there is none like you" thus worshippin in truth is worshipping in the belief and faith of God's Word and Truth, then can our mind be clear and focused on God. and are thus able to listen with our spirits to God's still voice.

aunt lynette also said that we become who or what we gaze upon. if someone gazes, or thinks alot on money, he becomes a lover of money. likewise if we gaze on God. we will become like God. waiting upon God is like binding ourself to Him and His joy, peace and love will be given to us.

Have i got that right? for those who missed abide lessons. synopsis of the thing. if there's anythin i missed or got wrong do correct.

today was ok. cept for the fact that i'm fallin sick. giddiness and headaches all day. real fortunate i managed to pull through the abide meeting. just abit sad about somethin. but if stef thinks its good then i suppose its for the best and if i can serve God this way then yea. its a sacrifice i'm willing to make.

it's like i have nothin to say to pple anymore.

tired.

2005-09-15T23:54:00.000+08:00

the last few nights. i come on at 11.30. or 11. to check my emails and go off after half an hour. my daily quota.

the last few nights. i've been tryin to blog. but close the window halfway. i just dun feel the need for this again.

the last few nights. i've been tryin to balance work and rest. there are shows i want to see. books i want to read. but MUG always gets in my way. something has to go. and it can't be MUG.

the last few nights i've been dumping information into my brain. bio's pretty good. core maths is starting to look familiar. adv maths not really a kick but i need to work faster. chem i study and study. but tuition really makes me feel stupid. chinese makes me feel ashamed to be hua ren.

the last few nights i sleep at 1. and i've confirmed i'm no night bird. just 4 days and i'm runnin out of steam in school again.

the last few nights, i have been thinking. i miss people. i miss someone alot. alot. and it makes my heart really heavy. i miss talkin to friends without worrying that they are studyin more than me or if their gonna do better than me in the finals. i miss om. when we were madd and wild and pure random.

the last few nights were the beginning of a countdown. 18 days to finals. next week is chi prelims. i'm totally dead.

its like chasing a ghost of a good thing. all you do is chase ghosts.

the last few nights. have led me here. thx sis.

mixtape

2005-09-10T11:22:00.000+08:00

another good song by butch walker. im a happy man. music wise.

well, i was supposed to blog last night. but got too tired. anywae. last night's agenda. im supposed to talk about aunty charmaine pohtaytoh. madd and lame girl. seriously. like that time on the mrt i've never given so many of -.- looks to a girl before. haha. and i want the ashland songs you got too. yea. gimme mah fix song dispenseress. yea dats about it. unless you want me to rant more about her den we'll see next post.

well september holidays suck. i spent all 9 days mugging. hey wait. that's good. yea. im a mugger now. really BIG MUGGER. while others spent the whole week out watching movies, history trips, and spending only ONE day, eg. Thursday to work. i became a cool geek. who studies like madd yet still has time to watch movies - at home of course.

yesterday was better. went to jess' house for barbecue. haha. retarded fun. she kept playin only one song on my zen and since i brought my speakers along. people were wondering if i only had one song in my zen. zZz. other den dat. swam. played com. and watched tv at her house. chatted. and well. learnt about ms pohtaytoh's dying computer and JUST HOW LAME SHE IS. mann.

i realized that during hols. i always tend to forget God. like forget QT. forget about anythin related to him. noticed it one night during the week. and so for fun, i just sang a few praise songs. almost immediately i felt this need to keep singing. i started really free worshippin. like singing wadeva verses. even if the songs clash or like merge together. i didn't notice. and i felt happy and strong and dat God is sitting beside me at 11pm mugging with me. so it was that night that i did 60 chemistry questions on tys and worked for 1 more hour on mugging. haha. strength of the Lord. better than caffeine.

the only regret i have is that i have noone to go out wif. all my classmates are kiasu-ing and like me, mugging. exams are coming. and most of the pple that go out are the younger ones who still have not felt the full momentum of secondary mugging life.

my first song i'm posting - Blessed be Your Name by Tree 63

Blessed be your name
In the land that is plentiful
Where the streams of abundance flow
Blessed be your name

Blessed be your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be your name

Every blessing you pour out,
I turn back to praiseWhen the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name

Blessed be your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's all as it should be
Blessed be your name

Blessed be your name
On the road marked with suffering
Oh, There's pain in the offering
Blessed be your name

chorus again.

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to stay
Well Blessed be your name

crowd killer.

2005-09-04T22:51:00.000+08:00

this song rocks. really. electrico is really talented. amanda ling is hot. the band is like no. 1 ambassador for local talent. i don't have the patience as others to look and post lyrics onto their blogs. but for those who know this song you get what i mean. for those who don't have this song? get it.

yesterday was a sad day. KG was cancelled. reasons are quite hard to explain in words. basically some KG dude walks over to us and claims we're cutting his turf. and he had the credentials to prove it. so what happened was we went home sad. im pretty sure many of us were gettin hyped-up just collectin old newspapers and clothes and serving God. but yea. its stuff like this dat can demoralize a person. especially when you spend time callin cell leaders to no reply nor action for 2 weeks. plan out the groupings. wake up early on a saturday and rush all the way to tampines. oh well. at least we learnt how to handle KG next month. i pray for strength and perseverence.

marcus carmen and i went over to parkway earlier den the rest and so we went to the arcade. lousy arcade. but for the first time did that para thing. here's wad we did. raced on sega rally. ALMOST FINISHED virtual tennis if not for the others rushing to play another game. typical shooters and finally para para. most retarded game ever. the girls before us were tryin to do it with style and ended up missing so many moves. so when it came to my turn. robot-mode on. its funny when you get the moves right but act so stone dat its like stick ur hand her. ur foot there. first time and probably the last time.

other den church. sundays are getttin sian. typical tuitions and i finished my essay. no time to meet dear. haiz. hate it hate it hate it. my blog style has degraded to simple words again. oh well. im tired.

mayb i'll study in church tmr. who knows.

rest.

2005-09-02T11:05:00.000+08:00

funny thing. i have no idea who this evonnie is. and she goes tagging somethin i don't even understand. hmm.

i've finally realized. me and my damn big mouth. and my insensitiveness to things around me. gets me into big trouble. everytime i go out i'd pick fights wif pple. piss pple off. hurt pple. i never felt a thing. i get confrontations like every other time. its not the life i intend to lead. vulgarity. casual racism. insensitiveness. no.

yesterday's flyer distribution was pretty fun. thanks to the 7 of you pple for comin. i don't know what i would do, not to mention how long it would take for me to complete 1800 flyers. and it was pretty amusing. i've never done a door to door flyer distribution before, and lookin into open doors and peeking into snippets of people's lives is an eye-opener. for one. an indian family was really cute. for when the indian man looked at the flyer. he went OH BALLEH! hahahaha. jamal i think you've overly influenced me on the bhangra ways. i was almost tempted to walk into the house and join them in dancing to bhangra music. another household was a typical loanshark-ed place. paint on the doors, writings of money owed on the walls. most importantly was that every open door i looked in, there was either islam inscriptions or a buddha hanging on the wall. truth to be told. im pretty sure out of one block of flats, probably only two households were christian. i felt sad. thinking that omitting the fact that i was from a church would not encourage them to prepare their old belongings. furthermore, how can we ever reach out to these people?

the flyers were not enough. and we ended up finishing the flyers at 6. a whopping 4 hrs in the field. i was really tired. and well still struggling from the effects of gastric the night before. spent the way home wif char. talkin about church. show business and laming around. and well. there was the broken vow. hate myself for that.

so then i shall write it out here. for all to see. from today. friday 2nd sep. til next fri. 9 sept. i shall not utter a particular a particular vulgar word. i shall make an effort to blot out the very thought of it in my mind. and praise the Lord. i shall complete this one week. after the week. i'll make it 2 weeks. den not use it at all and finally not the other words too. may the Lord give me strength.

this term's report is pretty bad. a lousy 79%. how can i ever get above the average of my class? life's tough when you're in the smartest class in pre-ib. im pretty sure i missed the average by a mere point-somethin percent.

1 month and 23 days to my bdae.

love unfailing.

2005-08-23T23:00:00.000+08:00

one thing i've noted. of the people who have watched wedding crashers, all the gurls who watched it said its sick and sucks, while all the guys think its really funny and a must-watch. makes you step back and think about gender views. hmm.

anywae. here i am. worship on sunday was hooha! for the first time in CPC 1, the worship team has taken the risk to jump in front of adults. thanks be to God for such a good worship!! and thanks to cheryl and mich for jumpin too. =D. i'm really happy to be able to serve the Lord this way.

saturday was a wow-er. it was a talk about the Prophetic. however, revernd purcell talked more importantly about the ministry of God. prophetic does not only mean prophecies but following the ministry of God. and for the first time, im convinced about tongues. rvrnd purcell was talking quite alot about it. speaking in tongues is your spirit talking to God, its an language known only by God and its very personal, between just you and God-unless its meant to be interpreted but that's another thing. my knowledge on tongues is still pretty limited but yea. when rvrnd purcell asked those who wanted to go up to receive the holy spirit that the Holy spirit might fill us with his power that we might speak in tongues. i hesitated. but i had this nagging feelin to go. so i went.

the minute i stood behind cheryl, i trembled like mad. then when we started praying, my hands felt like fire, i felt so detached, i couldn't feel anythin. all i could do was just pray and pray and pray. unfortunately, i didn't speak in tongues. but for the first time, i felt God really strongly. like he was resting in me. and it was only when we ended that i felt my legs. thank you Lord.

anywae. to those who read this part and think something was wrong with what i said above bout tongues, pls do correct me. i dont want to get this wrong.

today was a holiday, but i can't say it was a productive one. didn't study that much, just watched tv, studied abit. tuition and computer. Man. i need discipline. real hard discipline. exams are in a month or so, i badly need to start that kick to study and work hard.

i must say i really am impressed with VS dudes. they really do have the biggest school spirit ever. i mean, practically the whole school erupts, even the old boys speak up against co-ed. makes me really wonder what school spirit, or lack of it my school possesses. funny thing to note. the only school really for co-ed is RI. go figure.

as for my school. the only people enthusiastic for co-ed is a true-blue acsian's parents. true-blue meaning spending 12 years in an all boys orientation. that's why parents are worried for such kids, worried they might turn gay. or despos.

i currently hav 1076 songs. so happy. alright. it might be much less than many other people. but i finally hit my 4-digit number so im pretty happy already.

i guess i'll stop here then. i feeel like changing my blogskin.

this mountains high

2005-08-14T23:13:00.000+08:00

i see many things have passed. fop. band concert. work. projects. and tests. to that dude who did some weird long comment about nothing in my earlier post. get a life.

just tagg replies. thx to pom san and kelly for comin for the concert. plee. haha. when i think of somethin i'll to you k. and next time when the librarian tells you dat. tell her you're a big gurl. =D natt. i want the glow tagboard. its more fun. AND U DEFINITELY DUN LOOK 17. serious. oh well. there's always maid for you.

lets see. band concert was bad. but not too bad. well the first half was bad. but the second half was better. my only satisfactory solo(at least to me) was the last one. oh well. pple said i played pretty good. but i think otherwise.

which brings me to my next point. i haven't decide if i should quit band or not. right up to the concert i was ready to quit. but then de lee mans talked to me one day. and i do feel quite inspired to try for oboe again. but den again. there's so much commitment. and no future in oboe. wad to do. pple i need advice.

fop was maniac. super good. super enriching. and it was a feelin i haven't felt in some time since band. i felt so happy that night. delirious? rocks and well. im still lookin for the glo and deeper albums. pple who have pls tell me.

i just love church. its only in church can i feel free. in front of church frens can i be totally random and relaxed. and only in front of God do i feel bliss. and joy. and everythin good. yea.

i only have weddin crashers and maid left to watch. must find time. and well. i need to study and do work too.

and i need to find time to go out with you.

wad else is there to write? i dun feel the need to blog anymore.

day of reckoning.

2005-08-05T22:56:00.000+08:00

well. pple. the man is realli quitting. damn. why must u tell us todae? tell us tmr after the concert. everyone's morale is so low. wads de point in band now?? i knoe we have let you down many times. but think. we still got Gold wif Honours didn't we? its dat concentration we lack. and all we have now is you. now u're leaving. abandoning us. well. i do suppose we realli do suck. we deserve this. this fucked up situation we are in. there's no point stayin. i guess wad i'll do is just play my best tmr night. at least there is a point to prove we can still make it. after that. no more. i can't take any more of band. you can leave. its about time to anywae. this band is plain hopeless.

there's nothing left. everythin is against us. we've failed presentation. wad more can i say. all we have is God. nothin else can work. only God. only in Him can we be successful. gosh. just writing this makes me feel better. thank you Lord.

after this. im gone.

sonic madness

2005-08-01T20:57:00.000+08:00

what can i say. it was 3 days (2 for me) of sonic madness. sonic flood performed twice man. madness. and they were fantastic i couldn't help but keep jumping and worshipping God. especially on saturday. God has this really good way of lifting my spirits. i ended the day with a heavy heart and frustrated mood from band. was really tired and messed up. vexed with the constant fingerpointing during practices. but yea. met elissa and barney at ps and later stef and jon and natt and had dinner. den walked over to fort canning just in time to watch sonic edge. such a fantastic band! one of the few local bands dat actually made de audience jump and really enjoy the music. den sonicflood came and all my frustrations and heaviness slipped off me. really happy with God. all glory to be to Him forever.

but on friday.. planetshakers and sonicflood performed too! wooh. really enjoyable to watch, to listen and really heartwarming to worship and watch my friends feel God as i did. thank you Lord for filling us with your spirit.

met eve and plee. and well. i must say i do find the st marg's uniform cute. i knoe pple will suan me over this but yea. its cute. complimentin u k eve. be happy. and well. st marg's reminds me of fun memories. and bad ones too. stupid st marg gurls last year. try to ruin my concert. zZz.

skool's pretty ok. im coping. and i really thank God for great teachers like Edwin Wong. im sure most of my class agrees with me. this teacher really goes the extra mile to guide us. physics is suddenly so much more fun and enjoyable to study. ok not. but yea. it gives me a drive to work. core maths tmr. so yea. must go study after this.

late nights suck. but still i stay up late to do my work and chat. and help people with problems. =D

im still pretty unsure about what to do next year. band and om? or just band? or just om? well. om has new complications. im for it. but well. im just thinking that many things could go wrong. for band. well. im just so tired of it. plus im not exactly fantastic in my instrument. plus an oboe is like totally useless. soo. im praying over it. and i hope pple will keep me in my prayers and to support. SINCE NOT ONE OF MY CHURCH FRENS CAN GO FOR FOA. NOR MY OWN FRIENDS. oh wait. yea lew. thx man. see ya there. hahaha. AND I HOPE EVERYBODY WILL GO FOR FOP ON SUNDAY. the only day im free. yes. power of God pple. he will sustain me. and blesss everyone of you.

.markky loves his dear.

movie magix

2005-07-23T23:16:00.000+08:00

wooh. just got back from an amazing movie event by XS. the show was good. was about the POWs in WW2 how they came to forgive the japs and stuff. very meaningful. and yea. what i felt when i saw the show was to try again to forgive those that i still kant seem to forgive. like a certain big person.... yea.

eve came over. yea!! supposed to be the trio but well maddy was sick and plee couldn't. plee u are!!! supposed to come u little mei!!! supposed to laugh with me!!! oh yea. pearly's my new mei. not bad. shall blog more about her next time. i'll reserve one paragraph for her and her laming and randoms exploits with her kaypoh partner. me. haha.

well. after that talk. tess and i might be ready to go forward to our next relationship. not physical =. but spiritual. its the point in our relationship where we make a difference in each other and can help each other grow in Christ. and well. there are many things we have to sort. and im sure we can do them all with God's blessing. i love you dear.

ahhh. band sucks. band sucks band sucks. kant wait for it to be over. pple around me are fallin sick. maddy. natt u look realli shagged. as in very tired. must sleep. yupp.

i guess i finalli updated.; oh well. kant say anything more. im too tired. just hope that things will work out for our concert. AND WILL MY CHURCH FRENS PLS GO!!

EVE!!!! *cheekopei smile* somethin impt happened todae!!! wooh!

burn

2005-07-15T23:59:00.000+08:00

funny how when u work so hard for band. u just come to hate it. really. hate it. grow tired of such a really hectic schedule. frustrated at how tuitions must change and everything else must be put aside just for band. damn. im realli sian of band now. after the concert. im ready to throw my oboe away. for good. mayb i'll take imran's offer, to learn sax instead. somethin worth learnin.

funny how u just burn out. when u work so hard. after awhile, ur flame just withers away. and u fall sick and get tired of everything. life's so messy. concerts are comin up on tues and aug 6. we are so not prepared for tues. im afraid we're gonna pull up a bad show. for all to see. this is what the top band in singapore can do. nothin but shit.

well. the one week of 2 concerts a day. rushing home at 11.30. rush work. wake up early again. to go to school for a monotonous day. nothin but work. and the workload and projects just start piling. 3 projects are due in week 6-8. thats funny, isn't the concert there too?? great.

i guess im not in a good mood. yesterday i felt the onset of a fever and rushed home to rest. crushed by heavy fatigue. moody with all the work and buzz. todae at least i could finally get a chance to slack. but tmr's a looooooooooong day again. why oh why.

there are some fun moments. walkin around slackin in citilink. goin around to look at stuff and half-window shopping. lets see. i need new shirts. new shoes. cds. new earphones. new pants. new guitar. new com. new life. new style. and a renewed connection wif my King.

ever since i lost my bible. i hope i left it in church. i haven't had time for God. every night i rush home. no energy to think about him. i try to pray to him in the morning. but after that school just break ur spirits. i need to find time alone wif God. run somewhere where i'll be freee to just talk to him. or talk to someone about God. somethin to make me rethink God's concepts. at least i got the chance to read his word todae. good stuff. not to turn back on what we do for God. thats what i should do. dun stop. dun look back. forward for God.

much to think. much to work. much to prac. much to die. well. that sums up my life for the next 4-5 weeks.after that finals would come. and i would have to mug like mad. 2nd semester is death.

yea. just a reply to all. i have finally updated. natt. haiz. wad to say to you. char: yea. i meant it that way.

nite to y'all

first.

2005-06-27T20:51:00.000+08:00

first. i'd like to wish a special someone.

Tess. HAPPY BDAE DEAR! LOVE YOU VERY MUCH!

one paragraph dedicated to her. dearie. the last 6 months have been my best 6 months and wad i think about u? perfect! u're a realli mature gurl. mature as in spiritually and erm. mentally? yea. when i first saw u. i just felt. yea. this girl feels right. looks great. really comfortable to be with. really decent. i hope. and a woman of God. so yea. when i first saw u. i thought. she's mine.

ahh yea. real sad for her since first day of skool's her bdae. some others comin up too. and our band presentation is comin up on july 19th. lol top 3 bands in singapore are playin man. gonna rock.

den august 6th is my band night concert. anyone wanna go?? im advertising here so yea. hope my church frens. and pph peeps would go. my sch frens to be able to burden themselves to come over and watch too. just really hoping. coz aug 6 is beginnin of FOP and well. lots of my frens will be goin for the first day already. reall sad. hope my jies and meis will go too. =D whoever else wants to go please look for me!

oh i forgot to mention this 3 realli crazy gals from bpmc. DA POOP DA EVEELNESS and erm. amadea. they are pearly. eve. and erm. amadea. yea. haha. this 3 gals are prob the most random gals (other den jess) i've known. yea! haha. at least im living randomness to the foolest this hols. yea. formed this tai-tai society. and well. been great fun talkin to them. if anyone wants to knoe wads been goin on go to their blogs and check the convos out.

well. first day went pretty boring. most of the class succeeded in falling asleep in most of the periods todae. so yea. thx to the teachers for understanding. u guys wouldn't mind understanding for another term would ya?

band was. just ok. justin and i perfecting our solos. fooling around. and gettin teroked by dr lee again. haiz. must work hard. tone's back soon. style's comin up again. just gotta get that vibrato or rubato rite. yea.

ok. dats my post. tagg pple. and u san! now i blog. and u tagg!! okok!! haha.

Xstreme.

2005-06-18T23:35:00.000+08:00

ok. im back. missed a whole night's sleep and den came back and slept 8 hrs. camp was goood. was worried at first but it turned out to be pretty fun.

we hiked to camp. if u call it a hike. but well. set tents. had drinkin and mealworm games. made fire. cooked noodles. chicken and canned food. the food was pretty good. and cookin was fun. specially for dennis. who was enjoyin it thoroughly. then in the middle of the night the team leaders snuck out to the basketball court near the jetty. the rest of the teams were supposed to find the team leaders. my team siong leh. small team of 4 can still keep up wif marcus' experienced team of trekkers. dennis just rocks lar. spent the night talkin bout each others gf. oh the team leaders were john jean marcus melvin and me. so yea. stef and pat waited wif us at the bball court and well. we played cards. tried sleepin. talked. but in the end waited 4 hrs for the first team to arrive. marcus team came first. followed by my team. yes. my team rocks. i felt this camp was pretty. erm. not extreme. just too bad most of jer's ideas were vetoed. not sayin its too easy lar. but most of us came to camp expectin to be tekaned. or to suffer. this camp wasn't realli a kick. it was mostly bites frm mosquitoes. well. its still fun and very camp talk-cock for the team leaders. lol.

well. after that we went back to spore. had breakfast and came back home. supposed to meet john and tom at parkway in the afternoon but overslept and woke up in time to head to church for cell. the new head is now Pat! haha. we took pics. serious. candid. G-shots and err. dunno wad to call the last one. the gurls were diggin their noses. hmmmmm. the xs shirt is Baby BluE! haha. weird but the design is still pretty nice. xs room rocks. played fool's ball. is that how u spell that? but well. its table soccer. and yea. my arms are pain. haiz. need to exercise more. while the rest went for usual supper. i went home as usual.

tmr's gonna be a long day. church. den meetin madhur and our gang. seein him off before he goes to bankok for good. madhur was a realli great friend. my best in early sec 3 before he left and well. we'll seriously miss that indian. after that gerald's bdae.

kelly. or was it sandra?? noticed that when i was wif my gang. i seemed like a quiet guy. but when im wif another gang. or alone wif others. i'd just spring into random-mode. why's dat so? at times i feel pretty left out of my gang. and it always seems that everybody can just get along well together or feel happy cept me. hmm. wad to do. wad to do. anybody has the answer for me?

AND AGAIN. MY TAGG'S DEAD. HAIZ. REALLI SAD TAGG. EVERYONE BREATHE LIFE AND ADD TAGGS!

interview

2005-06-14T00:26:00.000+08:00

well. owe a few pple bdae wishes. ian, yihui, marcus, err. uncle hai theng?? who else?? i've forgotten. so someone just tell me. other bdaes comin up soon. church frens' bdaes. and a special day comin up.

well. todae the interview went pretty well. hope i got de 2nd call back for de 2nd interview. yupp. this research programme is really interesting. and i'd realli like to be able to go for this. thank the Lord!

short one. its 12.30 now and i should be sleepin. acjc band dinner todae. so well. the food was pretty ok. cept it was thai food...... just had 5 days of thai food and here we go feedin me the same stuff i ate in bangkok. heck. i could puke. but at least the abalone and shark's fin was good.

just somethin i dun understand. is it pple my age?? or must everythin gotta do wif gurls!! mayb its me being childish thinkin everyone should just be random. after hearin all my random jokes. pple keep tellin me to grow up. wellll. i dunno. im pretty relaxed wif gurls. i just dun seee why guys just make a big hoo ha out of this... haha. big hoo ha.

need sleep. need to do work.

birdie

2005-06-11T23:46:00.000+08:00

birdie birdie in the sky
why'd you do that to my eye?
looks like sugar, takes like sap.
OH MY GOSH! its birdie crap!

diaper mans.

2005-06-11T16:54:00.000+08:00

oh. im back. bangkok's a bummer.

i'd thought church camp would be boring for me. but oh well. things change. i've found out that the sec 3 gang. who went. were actualli pretty fun pple to hang out wif. and wadsmore. i've found a new side to justin ong! haha. a really amusing side.

shoppin was not up to my standards. shoulda gone back to MBK again. in the end. just ended up wif jeans. shirt. some other minor stuff. and still must shop for presents!! ahhh. worse. branded stuff in bangkok is double the price den in singapore. so now my parents have incentive to buy me board shorts in singapore instead of anywhere else.

spendin time wif. the lil gang of kelly. kat. yihui. ian sandra. the 3 j1s. marcus. and Justin and his bro. well. its good to talk to them up to like. 3am. den wake up the next day at 6-7 and stone. haha. well. flights were cool. tiger airways is retarded. but well. at least kelly was realli fun to talk to.

the message of the camp was about the Great Commission. or wads to be known as the Everyday Commission. i think ps ET's topic was realli relevant. coz it seems to me dat like many other churches. our church is startin to lose its focus. the objective church is not meant just for fellowship of christians. but for the disciple-making of non-believers. our purpose on earth is not only for ourselves and other christians. but more importantly. its the salvation of the world. yupp. pretty good wake up call. everybody who went for the church certainly left bangkok wif a resolve for evangelism.

the skit was pretty good. since the whole play was actualli thought up by a certain someone. it was pretty energy-consuming just to get the team to get their acts right. and by the time we did our performance. i was exhausted. nevertheless. parents still came over to congratulate the youngest team. well done! haha. guess all my randomin has been put to good use finally.

now that camp's done. there's still much to do. camp Xstreme. work. lotsa work. more work. and another set of work. band. must work realli hard to prac the soloes. work til my nose drops off.

time to be abit selfish. hehe. i want to buy more clothes. sooon. and well. must go catch up on work. catch up wif frens. catch up wif my slackenin attitude. and well. go out!!!

ahh. the dudes and dudettes went out when i was in camp! ahhh. haiz. must go out again!!!

naphtali.
im diaper mans.

camp

2005-06-06T23:14:00.000+08:00

ok. goin to bangkok. back on sat. see ya all.

and jer. dun miss me too much. lol.

see ya sis sis!

celebration.

2005-06-05T23:43:00.000+08:00

lol. some pple are fast. hi to eve. and to the bangkok cedars kia amadea. hehe. wonder if we'll meet when i go bangkok on tues.

and a great thx to all of u who responded. im genuinely surprised. thx so much.

sis sis!! im the observer mans. yes i am. haha. pretty fun to observe dun u think? haha. i think we should go out have lunch together soon man. just feel like goin out to hang.

todae was a many-things-happening-day. church was erm. well totalli random. since cheryl was laughin alot. us guys doin our random choppin. tit-snappin. stufff. haha. and 2 gurls drawin on our necks and hands. lol. and cheryl!! tic tac toe on my arm! haha. now. john and tom are the gay cousins. jer and i are the gay frens when marcus isn't arnd. when he is. hahaha. fun fun i guess.

dota. haiz. im still sucky. kant use rhasta for nuts. after lan de dudes went shoppin. decided not to go. but ended spendin my time in orchard in pph. not the atmosphere i was expecting. but well. at least managed to see dear. and had good talks wif few pple. nana. haha. abit the u dao me i dao u todae huh. oh well.

most sadness is dat in the end im gonna be quite lonesome in church camp. other den my family. mayb marcus loh. one or 2 j1s. gonna be on my own. OH! wait. there's amanda and georgie!! haha. shoppin dear sisters! haha.

i guess dats it. hi to new frens. and waddup to old ones.

hoo ha.

2005-06-04T23:13:00.000+08:00

just want to thank the oh sisters. they've been realli good to me.

hoo ha was great. realli well planned. and well. good and creative games. gd job kum yan. though the kum yan pple in my team were pretty amusing. haha. well. had a good talk wif sis. must talk more.

got back frm cell. jer is rite. im the pang seh king. haha. too bad kant go shoppin. oh well. when we get to bangkok i'll have a chance to go SHOPPING mad. and i have mom. amanda and georgie to help out wif it. hahaha.

unappreciation. jealousy. all of my questions have been answered last night. but sadly. kinda avoided two pple todae. dunno. things aren't the same for me. God has reached his hand in to me again. and i feel whole. but this are the biggest enemies i face. along wif slackerness. vulgarity. racism. blah blah. i feel the strength coursin thru my veins to face them again. thx to sis and God. well sis. since u helped me. i shall help u wif my pro advice. =D.

pple seem to be gettin real on wif church. but wad do i do? i haven't gone cell in a month. i've been skippin church recently. and well. not realli much help to pple in church. wad to do. kinda left out when u wanna help but dunno how to put forth ur help. or afraid dat pple will just diss u after everything's done...... unappreciation.

my blog's gettin dead. someone breathe life into it.

reflection.

2005-06-01T11:20:00.000+08:00

bored day.

just reflected this mornin. and yea. dere are pple who deserve a better attitude frm me. guess i'll go make peace and get rid of all these stuck up pride i have.

mayb mel's rite. acsi are stuck up pple? haha. but i guess the commentary bout us still sounds better den the other 2 boys' skools.

im feeelin left out.

scandalous.

2005-05-26T22:28:00.000+08:00

cheesy stuff huh.
makes u shiver.
dats cute. =D

- just for scandalouse sh eep melena.

pool.

2005-05-26T22:18:00.000+08:00

Psalm 37:23-24 "If the Lord delights in a man's way, he makes his steps firm; though he will stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with His hand"
i
m still sinning. dis is not good. i knoe im sinnin yet i willingly do it. need help. pple pls pray for me to get over this phase again. the phase where i pick myself up and follow the Lord again. i must live in the only way in which God delights in. and when im in trouble or stumble in temptation to sin. God will deliver me for he will uphold me wif his hand. this is my prayer.

so liverpool won. finalli somethin good happens. now the 2 teams i support have both won somethin. im satisfied. haha.

now dat hols are here i can finalli sleep late. dats like the most impt thing. sleep. i need to catch up on sleep. catch up on relationships wif frens. and yea. catch up wif my walk wif God. im fallin behind him. must do somethin about it.
hols are gonna be pretty busy still though, camps hols. but yea. its still pretty slack just get my work done. and den i can go out. hmm. get the gang to go. but nowadays go out movies arcade lan is gettin pretty boring. go ka ciao gurls and pissin pple off in the streets hold no value for me. all i want is to just hang out. like orchard find some restaurant and sit there the whole day chattin and drinkin. haha. or at someone's place to chill. like go to ims' or someone lar. just go there talk. watch shows. play pirates. lol.

burnt.

2005-05-23T18:13:00.000+08:00

bad feelings over. its time to blog bout somethin nicer for a change.

this is the first time im bloggin in the afternoon. all the others were in the night. so yea. im quite tired now. but no harm bloggin one more time.

thx to carm. cheryl. elissa and jess. its nice to knoe someone cares.

carm. dun feel sad bout ur bowling. God has his plans for u. train harder and focus on the Lord and he'll carry u thru. together we'll get back on track to God's path for us. love ya too. =D

wokay, im burnt. im red. im black. gosh im an indian!! well. todae went to sentosa for class outing. at first things were slow. we played soccer on the shit part of the beach and so everyone's feet are probably hurtin a lot now. played iron grid. or captain's ball rugby style. wadeva u want to call it. so now im so black. and my skin is itching alot. oh well. tmr's gonna be hell for me. pain everywhere and boredom in skool.

too bad i didn't meet the pph pple. everybody was there cept chelsea. haha. chelsea. u're the centre of attraction of a certain fren. pretty cool. well. missed melena sam darren clara chel jer justin (janice??) and yea. to all the pph peeps i forgot to mention. pph rocks lar. but charis rocks more. sometimes. mayb i'll drop by pph again sometime soon. for a special day.

im so free now. end up spendin so much money. since i go out almost everyday. next week's gonna be a boring day. wad to do... i need to get new games for my xbox. finished playin all of them. now modifying's illegal so i kant go modify. anyone who can help me get it modified at cheap prices pls tell me.

band concert comin soon. presentations. stupid me forgot the dates. so yea. i'll give the details. all must come. hope my church pple and skool frens can be bothered to go. haha. after all. not everyone appreciates band music.

i've been readin the bible everyday. but i kant seem to find anythin worth remembering. mayb its me and my mental block. my dts. no. its me. im not doin it well. im not hearing God anymore. its like a repeat of last year. without the depresssion. but yea. once i stop listenin to God. everythin falls apart.

this is long. gonna go off. fri was nice dear. and yea. thx to all again

and will everyone just chakde fateh??

picking up the pieces.

yes.

2005-05-17T23:15:00.000+08:00

everytime i look at it. it pisses me off. but its onli my prob. since im de onli one who is makin a fuss about it.

call me selfish. wadeva. im pretty bummed. if u remember. u were the one who showed me de sms.

funny how one posts wad he/she feels on a blog and everythin goes haywire.

life of sinners.

2005-05-16T22:41:00.000+08:00

cheryl made a point yesterday. mayb the reason im not in tune wif God is dat no matter how i try to abstain from sin. my own life is sin. it just never occurred to me that my nature itself was sinful. as in my fun-loving, tend-to-offend-strangers attitude and my casual racist remarks. pple who knoe me well enough knoe im usualli not serious. nor my remarks and comments on pple and stuff. they knoe that i dun mean it. and they dun take it to heart. in fact a few punches here and there. laughter solves everythin. wad about those pple i meet on the streets who i "bully". the poor pple i humiliate without even knowing it.

went out on sunday wif lew and kenneth. and was in my element. probably pissed off half the pple in the mrt. plus i was acting retarded playin tricks on pple on the streets. when i saw their shocked faces or blur expressions. i took joy in them. it was all in the name of fun. we never meant any harm. we were only joking.

that was 24 hrs ago. i knoe God can take away my sins. remove all my weaknesses. now im filled with remorse. this has been my nature for........ a long time. its realli hard to just get rid of it. when i go on the streets again. i'll prob do my usual. but deep in my mind i knoe that wad im doin is wrong. wad i casually remark might be a stinging comment to someone else. quotin cheryl's nick "you cannot understand the hurt your easy words can scald me with".

mayb dats wad im doin wrong. wad i pray for is that God speak to me thru the Word. thru my thoughts. and to speak to me directly even. guidance is the key my Lord.

on a less serious note. todae was boring. after the iso presentations. stayed back wif czy to help out the sec 2 omers. their doin good. cept that their not concentratin anymore. tmr might just go out and go catch nc-16s. haha. got into kingdom of heaven but not into jacket... weird. wad to do on wed. badminton? movie wif lew and kenneth?? or just spend the time slackin at home. thinkin about pple. i've been doin dat lately. thinkin about wad i missed doin with pple and wad i should wif done wif frens. not being the ass i am.

thx again cheryl.

mich. i kaypo lar k. say me say me lar. im tryin to help u. wanna help u. and u say i kaypo. thx.

42 days to a special day.

chase.

2005-05-12T22:25:00.000+08:00

scandalous
tsk.

chase was boring todae.

stress

2005-05-10T22:43:00.000+08:00

wad to do. when ur cousin openly asks for dedication. u just have to do it.

happy bdae jessica!

haha. okok. dat was slow. but yea. here goes. jessica's my closet cousin. been her hero for like how long (im ego ok). but yea. she's wild. like many pple in her church. and crazy. and likes to get suaned by me. haha. she's crazy. she's maniacal. she's crazy. she's been there all her erm. 14 years of life to support me and be my fren and cousin when i need help, wait. most of the time im helpin u. haha. but yea. u help me by helpin u. did i mention she was crazy? yea. dun think i haven't. but yea. she's prob one of the most fun cousins to chill wif since she can talk about anythin under the sun. moon also can. and she doesn't gamble! haha. take dat casino! happy now crazy cuz?

well. my headaches subsided awhile. i think its just called exam stress. hate exams. sucks bad. but wad can i do. fri's comin up last day of exams. mayb my parents will let me out to go watch kingdom of heaven. den sat i can go out too wif dear. lol. everyone's goin out wif elijah huh. ste-ve. jess. haha. popular guy.

dis is weird. onli durin exam periods do i get the urge to blog. not bad.
refer to my earlier post for my thoughts.

exam.

2005-05-08T22:48:00.000+08:00

well dear. here i am on ur request. haha. u lamer. cute baby!

well. i just have to do somethin to get away frm studies. its very difficult when u're havin a headache. because of this darn headache. i kant think straight. and end up kant talk properli, kant think properli. wad is wrong wif me.

sorri nette. didn't mean it dat way. i just dun knoe wad i said. truly sorri. forgive me arz.... haiz.. dunno why i need to concern myself about this. its ur way of thinkin and im criticizing it. im becomin an ass again. oh well. sorri.

Announcement: cheryl's blog is finally in use. www.cheryl-k.blogspot.com
one of my blog surfing moments. and yea. her words struck true. at least i've found someone who felt the same way as i do. though i never thought u would. u knoe i do admire cheryl. under all these pressure of skool, this dirty world we live in, peer pressure, she still manages to be a Godly Woman. Doubting Thomas Syndrome has always been a serious issue for me. i just have no idea how to cope with this. i've just realized how serious not doin QT for one day is. i was too tired 2 nights ago to do one QT and dat very day, i was vulgar, i was an ass, i was doin things i hated doing. 2 nights later, i still haven't done QT. just one night of not doin, i've sunk back into sin again. this sucks.

i tried shao's method he told me about last time. it was good. the first time i tried it. i felt really warm. i was seriously shaking, my heart raced. and i felt this WHOOOSHING sound rush by me. fantastic. the next night, it was realli late, arnd 1-2 am or so. i tried again, and fell asleep halfway. lol. im such a bum.

other den dat i've neva done it again. mayb im scared, im scared dat if i dun feel wad i felt the first time, wad would i do?? im scared that i might have the strength, i might not be worthy enough to be able to feel God' presence again. damn its the DTS again. Doubting Thomas Syndrome.

gonna do QT tonite. after my exams im gonna try it again. dis time im just gonna listen to God. pple pray for me. i have no idea how to do it. so im gonna try it God's way.

back to cheryl. yea. see so many probs i have?? haiz. i need to learn frm cheryl, she raffles mah. must be good. about XS not growing, i feel that for us to grow, we need to strengthen our faith, such that everyone of us in our church and XS are strong in Christ. and yea. elissa's blog is realli insightful. gdgd sis!! haha.

for XS to grow. like cheryl and elissa said. if everyone of us could bring one newcomer, the church would definitely grow, but how can we bring one if we kant even commit ourselves to God. for dunno-wad reasons or coincidence, XS has seemed to be slightly against the church.. like de alpha and big bang. poor planning. i wanted to go for Alpha, but when i asked others, noone was interested to. everyone was lookin forward to big bang. not alpha. a month later, cheryl suddenly told me she realized that the alpha was not only for adults (prob the misconception by everyone else) and was for youth too. now pple want alpha youth. its abit too late to ask for it. now pple are settlin back to skool. other commitments. noone wants to commit himself/herself to somethin in the middle of the year. also, in our own XS, everyone is still facing their probs, i am. actually. yea im glad about rae's development in christ, was feelin worried over her and david, yea, its the pple in our youth dat we need to look into first before we can even think about expanding. only when we're all united, all one in christ can we expand. coz if we expand now in a weak christian environment, aren't we just encouragin non-believers to become weak christians?? think about it.

exams started on fri and ends next fri. gdgd. one week onli. after fri, i can go out again. provided my parents decide to lift the grounding i got. but yea. Revenge of the Sith is comin. a-must-watch. haha. and i call other materialistic. damn im a hypocrite. sorri to the tan sisters bout that too.

haha. yea. updated dear, we'll see each other soon k??

thx to cheryl. who's such a great sister in christ. and who's helped me refresh my thoughts wif the Lord. thx for being there.

tessy dear.
sorri nette and mich.
grounded.
thx cheryl.

lessons learnt

2005-04-24T23:45:00.000+08:00

awrite sorri linette. im updating. but yea just felt like highlighting some stuff.
i've just identified wad kinda person i actually am. im a doubting thomas. thomas was a man who did not believe that jesus had risen until he saw jesus or felt his hands and feet. jesus did appear to him and said "blessed are u who believe, but blessed more are those who do not see yet believe" dunno where dats from but yea i remember it to be dis way.
last night at megapraise, i saw esther crying. i could see God's work in pple arnd me. i could even see God workin in lew. dats such a blessing! i knew it was right to bring him. but yea. de prob is i didn't feel him. again. can u imagine how let down i was, i gave up myself to him but i didn't hear him. i even asked God. i begged him to show me wads wrong. michelle said dat pple feel different things when God fills dem. cry, faint, kneel. i felt a great sense of warmth in my hands. in my legs but dat was all. i felt the warmth spreading down my arms and up my legs but suddenly it disappears. i felt God speakin. den suddenli its gone. den in whispers dey come but again its gone. at first i didn't hear anythin and i was pretty disappointed at the end of megapraise. but during thanksgiving. jeremy( this first guy dunno who he is) came up and said. dun doubt. wadeva it is. dun doubt. so many miracles are happening around us. why doubt? dun doubt.
it hit me den. why was i doubting? prob past experience. prob sin. prob i had lots to think. about frens. pple. dreams i've been having. work. work work. so many stupid excuses. but i pushed dem out and focused on God last night. still i didn't hear. den nathan said, there are pple out there who kant bring themselves to forgive others. it hit me again. yes. dere are pple i haven't forgiven for a long time. i remember that night of humiliation. of this 6 pple who humiliated me. out of these 6. 2 are now my best buddies. all de time even now. when things got to that topic. i made it a point to embarass dem. to point out to them how i felt. and yea. dat was not good. but yea. last night i finally brought myself to forgive the whole team. to forgive dhanesh and rayan de 2 bloody idiots who influenced the team to turn against me in that night. yes. i forgive u. dunno if u're realli worth it. but God said so, so i will.
i backslided again so im now workin on bringin myself back to God. thx to elissa again for talkin to me last night. haha. yes. i shall try to hear him. not to chain myself to the ground.
missed church todae. there was a good speaker. too bad i missed it. most of de guys didn't go too. haha. poor cheryl. pang sehed her twice in 2 days.
carmen and linette pls be nice. and linette i want to talk to u. its kinda important. i dunno if others have talked to u about it. but i feel that i should. yea. look for me when u read this.
tess. im sorri dear. i haven't been spendin time wif u. im always so bz now doin work. and schedule is still hectic without band. i haven't talked to u in such a long time and i miss u so much. love u much dear.
someone pray for me. im feelin real tired again.
markky.
call me nette.
love u tess.
dun doubt

Sista maniaz.

2005-04-17T23:26:00.000+08:00

hahahaha. yea. got another sista tonite. its u my dear audrey. haha. been thru alot wif her. she was ALJW( to anyone who actualli remembered) and yea now we're siblings! yea. haha now's de time for me to talk about my sisters.

start with the youngest.

Linette my orange kia. haha todae u were funny. stand dere wait for ball to come to u. and we hardly get a chance to talk to each other anymore. haha. oh well. sassy orange belonged to the secret organization of undercover fruits along wif me and pineapple. she's lame. haha. she's chio. she's funny. she's like frm de cover of a magazine(dats a compliment ok) and she is very extreme about her moods. haha. her blog's very nice to read. first blog i go whenever i blog surf. hahahaha. enough said. she's just class.

Audrey. haha sadly u're de next youngest. we've known each for like 1 and a half years? together for a realli short while. but yea. i've always beeen dere for her. and todae! 17th april is when we came to be siblings. remember dat day. haha. she's actualli very funny. likes to suan me. sometimes just sometimes. and can be torturous!! hahaha. yes. im ur servant.

YingXu. hahaha. yes yes. our anniversary's 4 days away!! yea! haha. yx is my band counterpart. haha. well. gold is still good sis. always been dere to comfort me when i was down. helped me up. audrey's good fren. and always like to me meet me in de funniest of places. like in de mrt out of nowhere. hahaha! yupp. thx to u the most sis. u're one of my supports and i love u for dat.

Elissa. hahaha yes! i blogged about her a few months ago. so yea. u are crazy chick! haha. drew on my hand "i love my jie" in de end got funny stares frm pple. haha. glad its off now.but i'd like to see how my frens in skool would react. she's realli funny! and realli mature. realli fun to be with. but yea. she pinches and pokes and slaps. all comes free with the constant snitching of ur green tea. haha. but yea.
she's one of those sent by God to pick me up. to refuel me. yes. thanks to you j1 jie.

yupp. love dem all. all de best sistas any guy can ever hope for.

as for de rest of todae. got my xbox yesterday. played awhile todae. den did work til now. so tired from all de work. hahaha. tmr's gonna be a long day again.

Congrats to all the Omers! to my gep team. hahaha. they rock. ur gonna be champions( no not like keith) in america! haha. yupp. gd job pple.

gonna sleep. wad else is dere to do?

banana boy loves his sisters.

Gold with Honours

2005-04-13T23:37:00.000+08:00

Thank the Lord, i could neva have done this without You. It is You who broke my reed to make me use the new reed, so that i could sound so much better. it is You who gave me strength to sustain through this trial. it is You who brought out the best in me today. it is You my lord, that gave the ACS(I) BAnd a Gold with Honours.

yea ppple. WE GOT GOLD WITH HONOURS!! haha so happy man!! it was a hard time for me. haha. let me share wad happened this morning.

7.10 i walk into the Band room and set up my instrument. guess wad? my reed was dead i couldn't play anythin on it. it was just dead. wad i did was to change my reed, get a new one. but i the prob was i had to get used to it.

7.30-8.30 we had our warm-ups and rehearsal, my intonation was all screwy! i couldn't play my low notes. my c key was scrwed. my embochure(wadeva u spell dat) was wrong. it was a real bad morning. and i was sooo nervous and in de bus to SCH, i kept tryin to fix my c key and embochure. it was nerve-racking.

9.30 - it was our last warm-up before our performance. we did a quick run thru of de impt parts of our pieces and yes!! all my problems disappeared. i was so happy! i could play everythin well! yes!! thank the Lord!

10.00 our performance!! oh man. i dunno how to describe it! i played my very best that 15 minutes of my life. i was in tune, my intonation perfect, and i had de best tone i ever had since december, it was beautiful. and i can now safely say dat i was de best sounding oboe for today(or at least i hope i am).

haha sounds boastful? haha. yea i guess. but im just too happy. dis is de wonderful thing about music. when u play beautifully, solely trusting on God to help u play well. at the moment u feel God's presence. i wasn't scared anymore. i felt lifted. i felt God. and in those beautiful pieces, i felt the wonder of God. He's so great to have created Music. and now i knoe why people use music as one of many forms of worship. since its so beautiful and so God-loving.

dats one of the many factors dat led to our Gold with Honour. thanks to the whole BAND for doing us proud. thanks to Dr Lee for without his genius we would never have accomplished such a great Singapore Rhapsody. thanks to everyone else for supportin us and thank the Lord!

well. haven't done much bloggin. so im fillin up the blanks now. after syf. we went to balestier shaw plaza to eat. imran milton kenneth yingda jerel and lil me. haha. supposed to watch movie but there wasn't any good timings. so we just decided to hang out at imran's crib instead.

we split to 2 taxis and milton yd and me were treated to a very colourful taxi driver, he followed imran's taxi and his taxi driver was a loser who couldn't drive. our taxi driver hurled abuses at him. vulgarity and finalli decided to overtake him since we knew de way ourselves. he drove REAl fast. over 120 kph in traffic!! can u believe it? such talent! haha. but yea he's a cool guy and we were jokin in de taxi.

we spent the time dere chillin. playin his pirate game. and watchin soccer, it was realli fun. i like chillin, its one of de most relaxing things to do. specially wif frens. u get to joke have fun. and do nothin. pple dats wad i realli would like to do. so next time lets go out and do dat. chill.

nothin else much to say i guess. kant think of anythin significant to me. cept that im behind on alot of work. yea. copy mode activated.

markky.
GOLD WIF HONOURS.
eh. ri oboe, u think ur 90 degree can beat my tone? dream on man!!
haha. beat that.

Seek_eUb

2005-03-27T23:07:00.000+08:00

last night was an eyeopener. the Good Saturday to celebrate Good Friday was quite fun with lame games and sitting ones. de song was great but de highlight was the movie. it was just ten minutes of the cruxifixtion of Christ. it was so gory. so painful to watch and so heartaching. i actually got the dvd for it like last year. and my dad had been askin me to watch it. but somehow i procastinated and in de end de dvd was returned to my uncle without me watchin it. now i regret it sooo much. feel so guilty watchin it last night as i saw how bad jesus looked. how pitiful. how bloody. how painful it was and how much hurt. but i saw the strength. after being nailed and whipped til the skin can't even be seen. he forgave them. no man i knoe can ever do that. that's why onli Christ could do it.

now i understand his pain and how much he suffered and died for me. the Lord is magnificent.

hmm. real tired. so will talk bout wad else happened todae on easter sunday. and de escapades of markky de suspense thriller! haha

oh nette. the thing i wanted u to read was on march 7. haha. quite bad of me.

markky.

warnin.. virus.

2005-03-23T23:03:00.000+08:00

hey pple. no matter how many times i've tried to fix my com. dere's dis particular virus still in msn. so whenever u get de message bout hey. i peed in my pants. its so funny! check this webbie out and all dat bullshit. dun open it and just close de window. i'll most prob not go online on msn until i fix this shit. yupp. sorri to others for de inconvenience and for those who were stupid enough to open dem. haha. wad to say. u just got the virus. see ya arnd pple.

virus king.

the planet shaked.,.

2005-03-20T23:46:00.000+08:00

yupp. the planet shaked on sat nite. during that moment God just stepped down from heaven and flowed through thousands of pple in downtown east. it was magnificent. the songs just rocked. the music rocked. de message rocked. everythin rocked, planetshakers was awesome. though it was packed it was still fantastic. though i bumped into lots of pple noone seemed to mind as i didn't mind either. haha. everyone was just so focused on God and u could just hear everyone pour out their hearts to God. Beautiful.

haha. yupp. dats how i felt. i made some promises to God dat night. God took me back to the places where i felt low. and he strengthened me. after de show. i missed the place where they were sellin cds and i didn't buy de last 2 albums i dun hav!! and i didn't get them signed!! ahhh. im so sua koo. oh well. wait for july pple.

met pph there. nana, lezlie sam, clara janice jess, tess, elijah and others who i forgot. talked to dem awhile and yea. just said hi. miss those pple. very fun and always do lots of things. oh well. had to take dearie and jess home. jess my cuz is such a responsibilty. oh well. im de older bro so dats wad i gotta do. didn;t do much wif dear so yea. hope to see her again soon. for some reason..... haha. mayb its just me. but janice was starin alot at me. weird. like her big round eyes were like unmoving on me. haha. anyone wants to guess why? dun tell me. i dun wanna knoe.

missed church todae. too tired and parents wanted me to rest. can u believe it. one week hols andi spent 5 days in skool. i need my rest badly! so stayed at home to do work and i onli just finished like 4 min to monday morning.

skool starts and im still soo tired. oh well. guess im just gonna break down and faint one day. lets all pray against dat k. gonna sleep now. take care all.

there is nothin my God cannot do.
hey! hey! jump around!
tessy dear.

renewed

2005-03-08T23:01:00.000+08:00

thank God for elissa. she's de second person God sent to me to save me again. i almost ran out of steam. now i feel renewed! strength flows into me! i dun feel like sleepin anymore. haha!! have to sleep. if not tmr will die. but yea. im just gonna keep prayin. thank the Lord. He's magnificent and all powerful. He is de Almighty, the Father, the One and Only. and He is my King.

i'd like to share some verses:
Phillipians 4:6-9, 13
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
7 and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things.
9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me - put it into practice, and the God of peace will be with you.
13 i can do everything through Him who gives me strength

this 5 verses mean alot to me. verse 6 tells me not to keep pleading the lord but instead present them to him. dun keep askin pls pls. but trust in the Lord. give Him ur requests and absolutely believe that He will fulfill it according to His will. though sometimes it might not turn out as u wish. but it is God's plan and the end result will be perfect. remember, its not the end or result but your journey with God that matters. verse 7 says that peace will thus guard our hearts and mind. i feel this is very applicable since in this modern society we live in. all sorts of bullshit is arnd us and we need de Lord to protect our minds and hearts frm evil. the peace of God, which transcends all understandin can be attained in verse 8 and 9. think about all that is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent praiseworthy.. and thus the peace of God can be obtained, the ultimate wisdom.
verse 13 is Paul's and should be our ultimatum since we can do everything thru God who gives us strength. this is de magnificence of Phillipians for you.

this are de 5 verses im just sharing. there are much more that elissa has shown me. but i'll touch on that another time. right now. i just want to worship my God. and achieve the Christ-like righteousness and find my position in Christ. thank you Lord for answering my prayers. i give my all to you.

Phillipians just rock.
tessy dear.
1 john 5:14-15. reflect on it.
job 27:4, psalm 16:9, 34:12-14
this are the verses to control your tongue. like i should
pple please pray for me. pray that i will quit vulgarity. my incredibly horrible spitefulness to people. my short fuse of a temper. and my sinking in sin. pray for me. thanks to all. to elissa. to jer. to mich and nette. to tess. and to God

Lew. pls read this entry, i want to share this with you too.
the Lord loves you too.
im cured!!! thank the Lord!! im ready to tackle the world again.!

markky.

dota.

2005-03-07T22:59:00.000+08:00

hmmz. played 4 hrs dota yest. played 4hrs dota todae. haha. jer's rite.im gettin quite addicted. oh well. i shall resist. next week try not to play. hols den play. nothin much else happened todae. cept that in de bus was so freakin funny!! haha. was pissin everyone off!!! got dis barker guys comin in and i was sayin very loudly just how stupid barker boys were( erm all barkers who see it relaxx.. im jokin and yea. i was just tryin to piss dem off) haha. they were staring at me. den got those pple wif de old ringtones ringin. wad i did was go to dem and tell dem just how cool their ringtones were. last was de old man talkin to his hp bout some classes. he's probably a teacher but i was like turned to him and asked, " eh so old still a student ar?" haha. damn im lame. haha. to all if u meet me in a bus. pretend u dun knoe me k. im suaner king!!

nothin much else has happened dis last few weeks. our new cell rocks. and stef's realli a good speaker. brings de message and a good message acrosss quite well. we should call our cell de mark and jer cell. haha. or happy meal. or de prokaryotic cell. or wadeva. haha.. oh oh!! it shall be called WOW haha. refer to stef for dat. we came up wif dat... haha. everyone else in my cell. think of somethin!

skool sucks. skool sucks. so much work to do. no time to sleep. i just need rest man. kant wait for school hols to start. im dreadin everyday of skool. band's tough too. todae was supposed to be acsi hol. but i was like in skool at 7.10 am. haiz. but oh well. we realli need de practise and it was me who suggested todae. but i didn't suggest so early. work hard band pple!! we'll rock syf til sch collapses. haha.

been reflectin abit this week. reflectin on 2004. yea. its a bad year for me. as like how many times i've said. and yea. many things could have been avoided. relationships for one. gotta change my attitude, im gettin pretty abusive. and i've got a really erratic temper. my frens get pretty weirded out and shocked when im angry. it just comes out of nowhere and disappears just like dat. i've been pretty bad to certain pple. and i still am. hmmz. wad i need is de lord to help me. im gettin pretty tired. im running out of steam. im just ready to sit back and die. too much stuff is goin on. too much work. all de pressure frm teachers and studies. i've been thinkin of pple again. thought bout my old frens. 6g pple. thought about my church frens. my sistas. namely yx elissa nette and some others.thought about tess and us together my bros in skool. lew ameer jamal nigel. band frens. omers im spore and america. yea. just gettin stuck wif life again. its dat problem always. i haven't lost my faith in de lord. but im slowing down and runnin out of power. hols pls come quickly. my hearts gettin pretty heavy. need help lord. send someone to pick me outta dis. strengthen me. one thing impt i learnt on sat. dun keep askin and pleadin God for ur needs. present them to the Lord. pray about it. reflect on it. give it to God and believe wholeheartedly dat he will fulfill it to his will. yes. lord. im giving myself to you. guide me. give me rest. and show me my path. my life is in your hands. sustain me.]

thx to all who've helped me along some of my rocky times. and to my frens who have beared my temper. to those who tahan my lameness and to all for being there.

love my tessy dear.
present all your requests to God.
phillipians 4:13, 4:6, 4:8-9 think about this words. they matter alot to me now.

cell mania

2005-02-20T23:27:00.000+08:00

big bang was like quite sad and fun at de same time... had to split up wif our old and super cool cell to a much smaller cell. haha... haiz. not sayin its bad but i'll miss my old cell. brings back memories. specially how my life crashed and picked up again in 2004. how i lost myself... and found myself again. yes... 2004 was eventful and i slowly but surely picked myself up thru this cell. guess i'll just talk abit bout my old cell first.

this cell consists of sec 4s: me, john, marcus, jer, cheryl, rae, david, and justin and abel who joined us for awhile. j1s: carmen, mich, jianwei, lydia, karen.... dunno if i missed anyone out. sorri if i did, hahaha. but yea. all this pple are real cool pple and each have touched my life in some way or another. thx to u all peepss. haha. dere's also our cell leaders. every absent andy and PRIS( the one who saved my life on de last nite of youth camp). pris especially touched me greatest. when i gave up on everythin. she was dere to instill that motivation in me again. yes. special thx to her.

well. now im in my new cell!! woot! haha. got de steph oh, jon cheong, amanda, georgie, darren, ruizhen??, jer, rae and me!!! haha!! but the first nite ar.. haiz. kena saboed 3 times. 3 times!! hahaha. no point sayin wad dey were coz they were lame and were meant to kaciao me. haha dis oh sisters ar. only they somehow can kaciao me. haha. i think they're de onli one who can. unless u count jer who's like dat to everyone. hahaha. other den dat. im kaciao king. i think our cell's damn fun and im sure each of us will grow stronger in Christ thru each other. and together, our cell will rock! haha.

some highlights. cheryl the amazing tennis player hurt her leg while playing tennis. simple stroke can hurt herself. professional some more. HAHA!! poor thing. super gigantic bruise there. haha. later pple mistake it for another knee den how.

orange. learn to trust God in all u do. present all ur anxieties and troubles to God and he will make ur path straight. dunno wad u're angry bout now but be sure that God will work it out for u. yupp..

all. pray for jer. his ca is comin and he's got a headachE!! ouch. yupp. i got my core maths and bio test next week too. haha. pray for my c maths. hope i can pass.

natt. my email's dark_pool@hotmail.com. haha. just add me and send to me. awrite to alll. on sat afternoon. i went wif carmen JUST to watch constantine.nothin else. haiz. tired of everyone's futile to kaciao me.. ain't workin ppple. only 2 pple can do dat and i've already mentioned dem. haha.

.god bless all
.markky tess
.my cell just rocks

cny days.

2005-02-12T00:16:00.000+08:00

ah Ha! in a span of a few days soo much can happen. first on hand is our secret operation. ameer allawoowooowoodin has joined de ranks and im in de midst of recruiting dis de Siddique. haha. this is soo gonna work out man. to all who want to join just look for me man.

oh my son. jer u are seriously crazy. look at alll de lighter fluid!! the wires!! the sparklers!! u VS people are so destructive!!!! argh! the horror!! the pain!! the devastation!!! i want the video jer and u must take and send to me!!! damn. dat made no sense but yea its quite cool. just dun get hurt man.

cny turned out to be quite fun larz. on cny eve went esplanade to watch fireworks. said dat in my last post so no point saying it now. on cny went to paternal side first. haha. wanling was like kaciaoin me larz. haiz. dammit. im losing my kaciao juice. we all went together visiting relatives until it was time for maternal side. go dere for steamboat and up spend most of de time teachin gorden wad little skill of guitar i have and redoin my blog. thx alot to jess for helpin me wif dis. i love this skin!! but i saw another realli cool one and i might just change it next week. walkin out of de steamboat room, we met chelsea and her family and for some reason alicia and chelsea seemed to be realli shocked to see me. haha. i have no idea why. but yea it was cool and chelsea was just stunning. even gorden said she was super chio. haha. but i'll leave it at dat. i have no idea wads so cool about gambling during cny and i could only watch as my bro and cousins were wasting time siting dere bettin on blackjack and card stuff. i just watched tv. did my blogskin and played guitar wif gorden.

todae was quite fun i must say. played tennis, table-tennis and soccer at ameer's house. and after dat went to uncle yew seng's house for gathering. haha. everyone said my face was realli red. no idea why. haiz too bad i can't go out tmr to play pool wif splinter cell. haha. gonna be one of our last few outings before the big bang and the splinters split. im quite dreading the big bang. our cell should actualli stay together so we can all get to knoe each other well. but oh well. dis is prob God's plan and only he knoes wads in store for us. 19 feb guys. remember that day.

everybody give a hand for my jie. she's de first gal i've met whose so committed to God. and not only dat, her dream guy's first criteria is to be SPIRITUALLY MATURE, second is i think mature or cute. hahaha. how mature is dat. haiz. tough luck on like basically 3/4 of the guys already. but that's good. my jie has certainly set her targets rite and now she's a woman of God. hmmz. im tryin to be a man of God. God help me accomplish this. anywae. to all the guys who like her and for some reason passses thru my blog. u guys gotta go thru me yeaz. im compiling her criterias. so just tag me or look for me. i'll go thru de stuff wif u and if u make all de criteria. u realli rock man. hahaha. seriously. u rock. and u definitely deserve my sis. as much as she deserves u. if not. buzz off. tough luck on you. haha.

ahh. im yawnin already. too much work manz. and im still her blogging. haiz. i want to go out tmr play pool but too bad larz.next blog i shall try to talk about my frens. hahaha. ciao. oh btw. orange kia. since when were u my queen?

.solo banana
.tess
.dis de man wif the master plan.
.criteria kia.

revival

2005-02-09T01:58:00.000+08:00

guess wad. i've revived my blog. long dead and im resurrecting this evil shit i got here. haha. i realli neeed to change my blogskin. its reallli sucky. and i have no idea how to quit de pop ups. so bear wif it pple. hahaha. wow. so many pple want me to update. i shall oblige u all. mayb i'll make it regular this time.

wads to say since Elpizo? nothin much. skool starts and u simple sap or de energy u have left in u after the hols. some particular highlights here and dere. orange kia needs a maths tuition. and her pineapple counterpart is helpin her out. haha. poor pineapple. sure die one he. our class formation rocks and we're like sitting in a U shape. so original and cool. like no other class has our formation and its so creative. wads to say?? its OM. haha.

crap. no OM this year. i realli miss OM, all de hard work, all de fun, the champions. the world finals. de american chicks. lorraine and emily. we miss u all very much. now that we aren't doin it. it seems dat part of my life is gone. mis-singh in my heart. =D

operation get-jon-a-gf is underway and so far i have recruited to members, kenneth and "the cass". haha. we see wad we can do wif lew lar. it'll be fun for sure. well. dats all for the operation todae.

happy cheeneese new year to u pple. haha. crap i pissed my cuz off for some funny reason. haiz. i neva knoe my limits and usualli over-suan pple. oh well. we'll get over it. fireworks were nice but not original. like i've seen it all since i was 6. nothin special there. oh. this year must save money buy my mini ipod. yes. pineapple u better get it for me at $350 or less man. no more den dat. haha. or if there's some kind soul out there who's willing to give me money. den hurry up and do so.

todae... hmmz. i pon skool den went back to move band stuff frm acjc back to acsi. our new bandroom's quite nice. gonna be fun playin in dere. after that i went wif ken to meet lew jamal ameer j-wei and champiion to play pool. hahaha. owned pple's asses in pool man. after that there was the badminton. zong is badminton god. for some reason i just kant beat him. but the others easily thrash lar. haha. i knoe i knoe. john and marcus are much better den me. but im still good enough k. after that rushed home. slept 15 min and went to imm for reunion dinner. quite fun lar. gorden and i crappin away. hmm gorden's starting to show the VS characteristics... pineapple u better look out for him huh. dun let him get flagpoled. after that saw fireworks. and im here crappin.

oh i got a new sista!!! haha!! she's j1 now. she's in cjc and she's sought after by many guys in my church. take a guess. its ELISSA!! hahaha. my jie who is my counterpart in the rubbish chronicles. always talk rubbish. hahaha. i love my jie. she's so farnie!! especially when she recounts a certain few pple who call her. hahahaha!

guess i've written too much. pple. i've not updated my links so do bear wif me still. im gonna revamp my blog one of these days. orange u better study hard huh. is everyone happy now? i've updated. i'll probably be back in a few days. gong xi fa cai. wadeva.

.solo banana
.tess
.I WANT A MINI IPOD!!! I WANT SHIRTS SHORTS NEW GLASSES NEW HP!! hints to the rest=D

back in like how long. XScapade Elpizo

2004-12-10T21:28:00.000+08:00

oh good. my fixed com can update now. though its erm... 2 months since i did anythin bout dis place. just got back frm XScapade ELpizo and i really say it ROCKS! i had so much fun dere. i just dunno wad to say. haha. since its technicalli a new posting for me. make it a long one.

day one. i first got to knoe de team: joyce, justin jonathan nat, Alice Weiwen wenjie and Yong Sheng. icebreakers were vv fun and i thank God dat joyce was vv good at warming up our team. yupp. games were very fun and creative. i think de spot de diff one was vv good. so anywae dere was de message.its about S.E.T. urself away frm de world and to God. started lessons from jean on guitar wif john yea. and we're learning drums frm gerald too so must prac!

day 2. haha! SENTOSA! dat was real fun coz we were like running all over de island just to complete de stations and most of dem were seriously cool like we had to make de pple on a passing monorail smile clap or laugh or take pics. de more dey do dat, de more points we get. den dere were de beach games. dere was de same waterbomb in de camp cept for de dog and bone. guess wad we won like 11-0! haha! poor time out, de guy who faced me seriously had no chance as i just blew past him. can u imagine it? haha me so big and still blow. hahaha! dere was also de telematch and de write ur name game and yea it was really amazing. met de acjc band kias dere though. message was finding a purpose in life. i think dat night made alot of diff to me coz im still searching for a purpose in my life. and yea. i thought long and hard bout it.

day 3s a shorter one and it was just de games and another message on wad we face when we are devoted to God. i think de highlight was de night games. coz things were so packed and de day games was so tiring everyone's morale just droppped. but it was thru de night games dat every team pulled together and it was evident by de end of de games everyone was like very united. dere was de find de green beans in a patch of grass in almost darkness and we had to find 77 beans. dere was like how many times we had to go pumping position as we played. den dere was de follow de leader where we all had to blindfold ourselves and follow justin. vvv fun and spirit lifting. damien was cool haha. duno why i said dat but he's a cool guy. got to knoe many cool guys in youth.

day 4.... hahaha. MTV day! we won coz our costumes were fantastic and dat we worked real hard. stayed up til 3am just to prac and make stuff. haha. den dere was de great buffet. i think de food for de camp was quite good but de buffet was just fantastic. to top of dere was de megapraise. where our churches great drummer Gerald. best guitarist joseph. joshua de bassist and de oh sisters wif vocals. and priscilla who made an big impact on my life dat night. onto dat later. it was just so cool and all of us were jumping and bouncin. hands in de air and everyone devoting their heart out to God. we ended dat night wif ministry and i saw everyone arnd me cry and dazed. i saw de sec 2 gals so close to God. even cheryl and carmen justin jon were praising and feeling de holy spirit in them. we all kneeled to pray and commit ourselves to God. and it was a beautiful sight. only one prob. i didn't feel anythin.

its vv saddening to me. i felt myself giving my all to God. but i didn't feel a thing i didn't cry. i didn't feel warm. all i felt was. dat i was. alone. before dis camp. i was kinda backsliding and i asked God. show me a sign. somethin dat would show me a purpose in life. and when i felt nothin when everyone felt something. i felt like everythin just collapsed. even when i saw somethin very hard to describe de sec 2 kias and carmen did for their growth in christ. i wondered to myself. why wasn't i asked to join dem? at dat moment. i could have given up on everythin i held onto for 15 yrs.

den came priscilla(is dat how u spell it?) she came over to talk to me. and we talked like dunno. an hr? i poured out all my probs to her and she was just a great listener and gave good advice. all she needed was a halo and gold light comin down to her frm above. and i would believe God sent me an angel to answer my prayers. my sign did come. and now im feeling soo much better. its as if a loads of my back as i just gave everything out. it feels so good. and pris shared her testimonial to me too and i found dat it could apply to me greatly too. thanks greatly to priscilla for dat night and yes. i feel different after dat. oh btw. guess wad. i did cry in de end. thank u lord for answering my prayers. for sending me de sign i desired and sending someone to pick me up. THank you.

yupp de last day was just thanksgiving and packin up. de oh sisters came up to me when i was foolin arnd wif de keyboard and asked and taught me and how to play for worship
and after5 hrs of sleep im here bloggin. haha. been a long time and i hope others can just come and share wad dey think.

thx to joyce weiwen jt nathaniel kelly my orange alice jer(evil kia :>) john cheryl k carmen charmaine ben gerald jean justin natalie elissa stef and PRISCILLA(GOD'S way of sending me hope) for making dis camp unforgettable

.banana boy's back
.thank you lord
.serve de lord
.sh EEP

15 years

2004-10-26T20:20:00.000+08:00

hey hey! been a long long long long long long time since i last blogged so i shall make it a long one. im 15 now!! one more year to NC-16 movies man! my bdae was yest. haha. thz to all who remembered! Audrey. ORANGE. yX my sis!!! madhur lew ameer jamal and nigel! thx alot dudes. alexcia, jess my cuz, CassAndra, dots my momma, CheryL khoong, marcus, CarMen, CheryL tang, milton, haNNah.. haha.. thx to all of u. orange got me cologne. i realli wanted one. yx and audrey got me somethin but i haven't gotten dem yet :) haha. thx guys for ur prezzies, didnt expect to get one but i did and thx thx. dots caSS cheryl khoong marcus sent me their wishes. thx thx and cheryl ur sms was quite farnie. haha. carmen called me and end up i kena kaciao frm de other guys who were wif me when i took ur call, but thx anywae. tang was cutest, she called to wish me happy bdae and we talked awhile. den 5 min later she called to say gdnite. so cute rite? haha laughin like wad man. hahah.

awrite some amendments. raewyn de bitch thing was my fault and i didn't mean it. dun feel depressed and im not angry wif u. frens? yes yes. nothin much been happenin much dis week. cept dat my exams are vvv scrwed. but my final report was quite good! haha, at least i did qiute well and arnd de higher part of de class lol. heng man. haha. gonna hafta do commandin for flag raising tmr. lord help me haha. im gettin nervous for some funny reason haha. anywae. de week has passed super boringly.end up playin gameboy tennis wif chee mun wahahaha. im addicted to it rite now haha. its fun any bored person can go try dem. \

spent my bdae in band and a great dinner wif my family. haha. i wanted to go out wif audrey but too bad lar. haiz. guess next time. nothin much to do now since im in my cuz house now bloggin coz my one at home just plain sucks. haha. had a stupid strategic thinkin lesson todae for 3 hrs and it was freakin boring. i ended up drawing tatoos on my hand. and writing a script for de stupidest and lamest dialogue ever wif jamal. haha. go read it. its like de lamest shit anyone could ever think of haha.

guess tmr's gonna be super boring again. u neva knoe. should pon skool study chi rite? but i gottta do commandin plus de new printing for our report will onli be given out tmr. so i gotta go back and shit arnd. nothin else.

orange pls take care. dun let dat anon person irritate or depress u. dere's always pple who love u and we are all ur frens. and u always have ur kor banana here to take care of ya. haha. take care all. mayb in a month or so i'll be back.

.solo banana
.15 years old
.1 year to NC-16 movies
.tang's de cutest.

u have a bitchy attitude...

2004-10-15T22:40:00.000+08:00

so you think u knoe me eh? call me slow wadeva but u're a bitch and dats it. call me split personalities. wth man. poseur everybody calls me dat for no reason so nvm but macho? wth? out of point. and since u realli dunno me dun anyhow describe me k. bitch.

awrite. todae went cairnhill cc to play badminton wif lew and kenneth. haha. fun fun man. i thrashed u both flat dudes. haha. looks like i got some skill still wif me. nothin much happened over de last few days. oh im failing all my papers. chi and higher chi. all suck. haiz. shit man.

oh well. take care lar orange. dun let dem insults and problems harm u. its awrite. u're strong man. dunno wad's de story yet but take ur time sista! haha.. 10 days pple! watch for dat day.

.solo banana
.i just de two say, lets play de sarker
.u bitch

disappointed

2004-10-12T23:43:00.000+08:00

Disappointed. One word was all I felt. A poem speaks what I wanted to say yet this is all you do…. How down have you made me. I do all this for you. I even got u a prezzie too.. is it all worthwhile?? Thx a lot for makin me feel wanted by you.

Todae was a good day. Took gingko..dats my dog btw… to de vet to get his first vaccination.. quite cool.. gingko’s damn cute. Damn fun and damn great! Princess was too! Haha.. dats his sista and well neno was some blur dude but still fun!! Haha.. yes yes. Skipped soccer for dat but oh well.. its worth to play wif dem dogs. Their so cute this pups. Haha… yesyes.

After dat its soccer and lunch at smu… dudu! U’re back dude! Fire de dudu gun in salute!! Dududududududu! Haha.. awrite awrite, lunch was great wif dudu. Glad he trusts me to tell him things. And I trust him too. Haha. Dats why I knoe his secrets. He knoes mine. Haha.. den went lew’s place to shower and played arcade at great world. Wah! 40 cents per game. Haha.. play Daytona like siao man. Haha.. den watched new police story. Blackie chan. Haha.. yea yea. Great show and ended around six. Went back to united square to meet parents. Bought some stuff and den went home to die. Haha

Tmr is skool again. Haiz..2 days of hols not enough. Must play play more. Haiz awrite guess must go back and face de results of my exams die die die die die. Den waste time wif physics stuff.. life sucks. Nothing from Cheryl tang. Guess gotta wait. Nothin much to say I guess. Just dat goin out is fun and dat we are all funny dudes!!! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha… awrite dat was shit.

. solo banana
. gingko nut
. confused
. disappointed
. dudududududu

surprise surprise

2004-10-11T23:25:00.000+08:00

Awrite. My home com neva works on blog so always gotta do it in skool haiz… stupid but wad to do. Dis is wad happened yest… my SassY oraNge’s bdae!! W00t!! stay happy dear sista~ haha… rite.. and den dere wad a talk on a purpose driven life in God. Very motivating and nice but fell asleep at de end. Kant blame me, im too tired. Yea yea yea. E

Exams ar over!! Yea man! So now todae and tmr can just play until results come out.. den I die… haix… dat sucks.. I hope I can stay in ib man… and keep my scholarship.. church was quite fun.. john’s tessa came todae and yea.. haha.. kaciao him and all…fun fun since im so high rite nw.. yeaz… dun blame me can. No exams mean play all day.. too gdgd man.. haha.. also, went out wif lew Kenneth jamal ameer to watch dodgeball.. haha.. kinda late but neva watch it and its quite ok lar… played lotsa arcade. Went over to lew’s house to play soccer and now im here writin dis… dere’s how it goes.

Wad happened during de whole of last week?? Wad do u think?? Exams lar den.. work hard(I hope) and hope to do well…. Todae is Audrey’s bdae.. wrote a poem to her… hope she likes it.. didn’t meet her in town todae but got a prezzie for her… its something like wad I gave to orange.. but its cute wif meaning I guess. Yea. … everyone still has exams cept me wahahaha… yeaz!! Dats how it goes….

Cass… I dunno how de hell Spencer is bi but how can a dog be bi?? Out of point lar gurl.. go check ur dog’s sexuality properli.. mayb its just a fling… wad am I talking?? Eew.. haha.. awrite awrite… im outta dis topic..

Wad else to say?? One thing confuses me great…… tang suddenly wants to talk to me.. why? I dunno… u miss me? Huh? Neva knew dat… I had a depressing time back den.. dunno if I want it again.. but talking to u on de phone brings back memories… pain.. joy.. love.. and yea.. regret… im still confused over de barn thing… ar u wif him ornot?? Haiz… too bad larz… live so close to u yet neva meet u.. we really should meet again someday… dat should be fun.. I’ll be all high and scare u away. Whahaha.. awrite awrite dis Is getting way too long…I hope I get to see u again.. and talk to you again.. after all.. we’re frens aren’t we?? Yuppers… dats all…

.ur solo banana
.surprise surprise, miss me?
.holidaeee….
.confused about wad u feel bout me

freaking tired.

2004-09-27T14:17:00.000+08:00

yes. its been freakin long since i've been here. my home com neva allows me to update. so ive gotta use skool com.. haiz im freakin tired right now. exams are 4 days away and im muggin like hell. kant use de com at all nowadays. guess i can onli update after exams. i hope.

todae there was nothin much to do. no chapel so we were left to work study and listen to pui rant and bitch arnd. den there was la(b) which is fuckin borin i tell u. mrs k scolded me when i was writin down stuff for maths journal and walao scold and scold and scold. Adv Maths was ok lar. didn't do much but im on de right track. Bio was de best todae man. always very fun. worth stayin awake. then borin core maths. oh somethin very cool happened todae. thadd and i were like holdin lew back while we smsed "i love u" to star~.. haiz.. bit wrong on my part but it was fun. dunno why we got her into dis but guess wad??? she smsed back to say yes.. i got a crush on u too.. wahahaha.... so de secret is out.. but dunno if its true.. gotta find out... too bad marcus.

the seeker service was bit out of point on sunday. the skit ok larz but at least the message was brought out. atomic leow. wad a cool name. and he's past was actualli very sad. tortured and abused. and im happy God does marvelous things to people. but what will He do to me?? too bad didn't stay back for de message. quite hyper larz.

wad else happened last week?

chi proj finished.
1 night wasted watchin sg idol reject show( oh and saw u georgie. u look good wad)
study lots now.
freakin irritatin parents naggin all de time. but its for my own good. nothin else to say.
muggin.
went out macs(wow) to eat and kaciao lew all over again.
muggin.
nothin else. oh wait. deres muggin.

im freakin tired. aaron said long ago pple can backslide without knowin it. u knoe. i think im backsliding. im freaking tired. i hardly touch de bible. im so troubled by u A.. i miss lots of pple. i miss all de fun i had. i miss goin out. i miss a proper life to myself. been very moody.

i had a dream of tang a few night's back. not somethin to type out. but it was a good dream. cept i miss u now.. haiz.. too bad larz.. have fun wif barn.

nothin else to say. have to go back and mug. even after exams, what can i do? i realli want october 11 to come. but will go out den? i dunno man.. realli have no idea. wad to say. wad to do. we've become strangers. and i hate it. hate myself. hate everythin in my life.

dats all i guess.. after dis long one gonna stop and see if i can update further. see ya

.solo banana
.miss ALJW
.oboe nerd
.hebrews 11
.29 days

church??

2004-09-19T13:38:00.000+08:00

awrite.. so im usin church com to do dis.. pai se larz.. zZz.. now dat band's over..gotta study hard liaoz... yea.. no time for lots of things.. yea.. gotta keep dis one short..home den continue wif dis.. hehehe.. church is always fun.. always get to have fun wif frens.... see cheryl(yupx), john, jer, marcus didn't come, carmen, lydia, jian wei,yeaz... lots of other pple too... den dere's always God!! haha.. time for fellowship and worship and listenin to Gods words and dat wonderful stuff!! yes!! awrite.. ciaoz... hafta turn off church com.. later come back write some more....

pick up de pieces...

2004-09-14T15:55:00.000+08:00

yez.. im in skool doin some dumb proj wif jon. haha. he's scrwin de com up.... not been arnd much larz.. .stupid blogger kant work all de time.. haiz.. alritez.. skool's started and i just got tons of work to complete and even more to study.. just kant wait for october 11.. for u.. yes.. oh.. and those testimonials ar cool ok dbl Cs... yes.. they are a work of art.. im just tryin to expose the cult "sTeamboat KhakiS".. haha....

i missed de church carnival.. damn.. wanted to go check out de haunted house.. lol.. quite ironic for church rite?? but was told it was fun and scary to others... hahaha... yea.. im tryin to mug now.. dunno how to mug and wad to mug.. and dere's always jon buggin me as i write this... lol.. but he's cool larz.. we're laughin all de time until see teck hock complained and now jon is sittin on de other side of de classroom. haha.. but we're still laughin and gettin scolded by stupid pui.

stupid chinese prelims comin up... gotta start studyin lar.. but not dat difficult.. coz most of de words learn before.. just gotta work hard for our final higher chi paper.. dat one real tough.. dunno why we must still take higher chinese paper when we've got o level express in nov... even de mainstream guys dun have it.. haiz.. dats wad u get for being in pre-ib.. yes... work hard dats all guys...

on de request of jon.. im supposed to dedicate dis paragraph on him.... im not allowin u to write ok... yes. alrite.. jon's a very funny guy... he's de livin joke book.. haha... always laughin wif me and kaciao pple.. haha..he's quite metro lar.. hahaha.. always loves oil control films and wipes.. he's crazy over his hair.. always touchin his hair and buyin all de diff kinds of wax and gel.. and so ex!! haha... toni & guy... lolz. keep it up dude(ette) haha... alritex.. gurls.. if u want a guy who's so funny and erm.. knoes women well(coz he's one).. jkjk... and he has de money for it, lives so close to orchard. always willin to take u out to great world... haha.. yes.. dats de guy.. jon my (wo)man.. haha.... lolz.. if u want to knoe him.. go add him in my frenster.. awrite.. some words frm him.

(Jon: Okay i cannot believe i'm sitting right next to him in the stupid library watching him type all his nonsense.. haiz... *whacks mark* *mark screams in pain and agony* *Jon smirks*) by de way.. jon neva made it home after i was done wif him.. haha..

i miss u alot A... my spirits are always down because of u.. i just kant wait to see ur face.. or talk to u in person or on de phone again... yes... if u see dis... just think of me larz.. i will always do so.. i love u..

.oboe nerd
.banana kor
.miss u still
.mugger

HolS?

2004-09-07T22:15:00.000+08:00

okok.. gdgd.. im back.. haiz.. dis stoopid bloggie kant operate lor... argh... spend all de nitez on phone now.. haha.. phone bill like gonna explode... haiz.. haha.. todae de dble Cs went to ZOuk!! without me!!! walao eh.. haiz.. stuck at home.. but can watch chinese dvd!! haha.. okok.. yea... been goin out.. and like finished time crisis 2 in record onli 3 tokens... wahahaha... dat sux by de way... i can do better.. bio showntell..haiz.. wang and me man... wahaha.. dats de best guy to work wif.. hardworking and always there to assist.. not like metro.. hehe.. oh... CalyX? i gotta confession to make.. if u see dis u realli gotta call me.. wahaha.. shockin revelations.. its bout ur vOicE... hehe..scary.... haha.. call me.. haha... wad kinda hols is dis... so dumb.. haven;t started mugging like everyone has started.. haiz.. im gonna fail man.. lolx.. but de phone calls were fun lar.. onli hear stargate imitate pple and C2 trying to act like leslie.. wahaha.. C1 and C2.. hehe... u gals like to make fun of guys in my class rite? why dun we like just make fun of ur frens?? hmmx.............. on a serious note....

haiz.. tonite i feel so down... its been like a week and im still waitin for u... i love u lots... and im for u onli.. haiz... its so tough... wad can i do now?? wait for u?? depression sets in.. u're depressed.. im depressed... haiz... dun torture urself k.. pls... i love u and will do anythin for u... i love u............ i love u.........

.oboe nerd
.orange kor
.depressed
.still waitin for u...

love dangles on a string

2004-09-02T22:26:00.000+08:00

been some time... bz larz.. all of u keep askin me to update.. not like everyday so free one.. haiz.. todae dr lee broke to us dat he may quit... argh!!! nooo... dun do this to us dr lee.. our band is scrwed if u do.. yes.. but he's well real tired and needs his rest and vacation... haha.. oh well.. we hope u come back after ur hols.. yea.. nothin much happened.. scrwed my chinese test.. im gonna fail... yea.. CAss and caLYx again. haha.. real fun gals.. and todae rc allowed us to change sittin arrangement.. now whole class is sittin in a u-shape.. haha.. damn funny.. lolz.. haha.. yea.. hols comin up.. hope i can go out sometime.. i really need to soon.. if im in de right mood dat is.. nowadays got no mood for anythin... i miss u alot still.. haiz.. gonna be a long one.. lol..for me at least.. oh and some stupid body language video durin pc.. so borin.. so lew and i just talked de whole way.. haha.. more fun.. band band band... love love love.. work work work..om om om.. and dere's u my love.. oh.. anywaez.. see ya lnette orange kia

.oboe nerd
.banana kor
.waiting for u..

Bandness

2004-08-26T22:41:00.000+08:00

todae's band day.. and guess wad?? wif all band daes come BAnD news.. haha.. year 2005 monday band, tuesday band, wed band , thurs band, fri band.. where got time for anythin elsE?? how to do OM??? how to go out?? dats it. life sucks.. haha. but den again. i am an oboe nerd am i??? so good lah.. good way to prac fer vesuvius.. prac my solo.. prac everythin nice to hear.. pretty soon.. i can try do well.. ask yibin and debs help me..haha.. and meifeng.. lol.. todae's a work day.. like all thursdays.. den tmr is dere comm meetin at all?? lol.. love u alot still.... i hope u see this...

.solo banana
.oboe nerd

study

2004-08-25T23:14:00.000+08:00

todae was borin again.. after skool came back supposed to study.. haha. den played gb wif my sis!! haha.. thx alot yx.. brightened up my day.. still sad.. depressed.. but oh well.. studied for physics.. hope to pass.. all those who read this before tmr.. pray for me.. haha.. so now i just gotta finish my study and slp.. yes.. tmr's gonna be a fun day.. skool band tuition.. life kant get any better.. den again.. i have no life.. so.. yea..

MarK-
.solo banana
.13 year old kor kor
.i stand alone

just frens

2004-08-24T22:52:00.000+08:00

so maybe we're just frens.... todae was another borin day.. did my bio myself.. dats good.. tuition.. back home and tryin to study physics.. quite lost... yes.. oh.. and hi hannah... lolz.. nice frens u got.. all de gay and les stuff... haha.. Cass was quite fun as usual.. haha.. some secrets neva to be revealed... lol.. milton.. omer dude.. haha.. yea.. still very sad.. depressed.

.MarK
.solo banana
.13 year old

heartbroken.. letter of sorrow

2004-08-23T01:05:00.000+08:00

does anyone knoe how much life sucks to me?? all my life.. i've been scrwin things up... sure their lotsa happy and great things... but one dwells more on sad stuff... todae was supposed to be a great day for a Sunday... weather rocked... church rocked... just another day of doin my eos essay... and den i blew it.. why oh why did i ever doubt u?? i love u so much.. and yet i do this kinda things to u.. im so sorri for hurtin u.. for confusing u...i knoe it was a miscommunication.. and i did not mean that i didn't trust u.. wad i meant was to tell me if u couldn't sms or talk.. but den again.. its my fault for askin u why couldn't u tell me anything... am i such a distrusting person?? i really love u.. and u're someone i'd really love to be with... i hope its not the end between us.... does school reallly help too?? drownin in my sorrow.. i still gotta do my essay.. kant concentrate yet forced to do... its 1 am now.. i've never felt so bad.. so.. so empty... im an idiot.. i just feel so down rite now.. sectionals tmr.. gotta work hard for long tone..

MarK ~.~ lonely and depressed

yaY!! it works now..

2004-08-21T22:40:00.000+08:00

Yes!! so it works now.. thx alot jess my dear cuz for helpin me alot in settin this up.. im a noob in this k?? haiz.. didn't talk to ALJW todae.. miss u lots baby.. so anywae.. todae's a real bore.. supposed to do my IHS since mornin bout now its late in de night and im still halfway doin.. haiz.. really must discipline meself.. no more talkn to galz!! hehe sorri ALJW... work hard guys... keep up de oboeness.. and de banana...

.solo banana
.lover of the ice
.13 year old
.oboe mania

first timer...

2004-08-18T14:58:00.000+08:00

so mayb dere was a first time for everyone here... well. todae's real borin and all.. and dere's my cuz here im irritatin like wad.. lol... so mayb dere's a time for this and dat.. well... dere's adv maths test tmr... supposed to be easy.. lol.. just hope linear law and transformations fine.. harlo ALJW.. harlo jess. harlo rach... so dere... and den dere's madhur who's just quite sensitive rite now.. pssh... no hw.. but just gotta study and all.. yea.. loadsofcrap... life is fullofbullshit... kant take it?? shaddup i ain't talkin to u.. well.. yea.. dats how it goes arnd... and dere's always love hangin arnd to haunt u.. and make u happy.. ALJW.. lolz.. so anywae.. yea... just gotta study and waste my time writin dis... thing... objectives for de day:
ALJW
ALJW
adv maths
ALJW
work
so dere.. yea... see anyone else arnd ya...
MarK.. now now kidz.. time for ur happy meal...